


Lessons About Life and Love

by jazzykatz



Series: Those Crazier South Park Days [1]
Category: South Park
Genre: Age Difference, Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M, Gen, Heavy Drinking, Teacher-Student Relationship, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-06-27 11:47:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 35,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15684825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jazzykatz/pseuds/jazzykatz
Summary: Ike Broflovski is a freshman college student at the University of California with an attraction to older women. Elizabeth Horowitz is a middle-aged English professor with a bad temper and even worse drinking habit. Past events drive future intentions and a love story ensues between a cocky student and his jaded professor.





	1. A Lesson About Your Teacher

The whiskey was good, a nice top-shelf brand that burned just right down her throat as she thought over her options. She never really ordered a certain drink, entrusting the bartender into fixing her something good. He hasn’t let her down just yet, keeping Elizabeth Horowitz a happy regular at Shannon's Irish Pub.

 

The bar was not popular, but it kept a good number of clientele that kept it going. It was a lovely spot, hidden away on a street that was close to the industrial district. She loved it because it mainly catered to adults, mature people who wanted to wind down after a long day of work or people like her who wanted to work in a friendly atmosphere with alcohol. College students rarely crossed the pub’s doors, not even hipsters who enjoyed off-the-beaten-path bars.

 

Elizabeth enjoyed her whiskey as her fingers swept over the keyboard to her laptop, eyes gleaming under the yellow light of the booth she was in. She never could write anything at home, always finding a better muse when she was somewhere else. She felt in her element, grinning just slightly and enjoying the spark of inspiration that was sparkling through her.

 

When she realized her drink was nearly gone and only the ice remained, she fell back into reality and quickly shut her laptop. It was time for a break, she surmised, stretching her arms in front of her and picking up the glass. As she got up she caught sight of a trio of young men clamoring into the pub, talking amongst each other and addressing the dart board across the room. Elizabeth quirked a brow, assessing the boys. They looked like they were freshly twenty-one, or perhaps younger. At least, the boy in the middle of the trio looked young, despite his height. She watched the middle boy, a raven-haired kid with dark eyes and one of those cocky grins. He and his friends quickly got some drinks before making their way to the back wall, focused on a game.

 

Elizabeth slowly stood up and made her way to the bar, casually ordering another glass before stepping away to use the bathroom. By the time she got back, the boys were deep into their game, the taller one showing off his skills. The woman took her glass and sipped on it, not really worried about anyone having slipped her anything. Everyone knew everyone in this pub, and the bartender was good at watching his patron’s drinks. She stepped into the vicinity of the far wall, perching herself on a nearby table to watch.

 

“You’re too fucking good at this and I hate you.” Said one of the three, holding a beer and watching the second one rinse him at darts.

 

“It’s a natural talent, you gotta be born with it.” The second boy replied easily, making another bullseye to the first boy’s disappointment. He was the only one of the three with a glass of hard liquor.

 

“You know, we should actually put Ike against one of these older people, see how much money we could make.” The third one was an idiot, thinking this aloud with her in earshot. She quirked an amused grin.

 

The taller boy, Ike, only grinned at the possibility, “I’m down, just don’t pick a big guy. I’d like to leave here in one piece.”

 

Elizabeth shoved herself away from the table, drink in hand as she calmly stepped over to the far wall. “I heard something about a game.” She said then.

 

The three kids turned to her, and only one of them froze up at the sight of her and almost spit his mouthful of vodka on his friend. The first kid reacted badly to that and shoved Ike to the side. “Fucking gross, dude.”

 

Ike looked like a deer caught in headlights, staring wide-eyed at the woman and easing a grin. “H-hey, fancy meeting you here.” He said slowly.

 

Elizabeth took a sip of her own drink, “Hello, Isaac.”

 

The third kid stared at her and then at Ike, “Dude, you know this chick? Oh please tell me you know her.”

 

“ _Shut up_ ,” Ike whispered, glancing at the other nervously.

 

“Oh, of course, Ike knows her, look how hot she is.” The first one managed to step out of Ike’s range when the boy attempted to backhand him.

 

“So,” Elizabeth continued, acting as if she never heard the comments and focusing on Ike, “You’re good at darts.”

 

The awkward fear was dwindling in his eyes, and he managed to put on a challenging grin. “Very, how about a go?” He questioned.

 

“Oh, I’m sure I can play… for a price.” She stepped closer to him, smiling sweetly. The smile seemed to disturb the boy greatly and he stepped back. Elizabeth only chuckled, “I want to make this interesting, Isaac.” She continued, “If you lose, then Mackenzie over there,” She gestured to the bartender, “Will be informed about how he served alcohol to minors. I also get your fake ID card as well, for a trophy.”

 

The boys froze up then, staring at Ike now.

 

Ike didn’t back down from the threat, stepping closer. “What do I get when I win?”

 

Elizabeth quirked her head to the side, thinking. “Then whatever had happened here tonight, never happened.” She said then. “Perhaps I’ll lose fifty bucks.”

 

The first boy took Ike’s arm, “Dude, she’s bluffing. She’s gonna out all of us.”

 

The third boy chugged some of his beer. “I say take her for what she’s worth.”

 

Ike weighed his choices, watching the older woman carefully and feeling that wave of confidence that could only come fueled with hard alcohol. He grabbed the other darts from the shelf and handed them to her, grinning defiantly. “I do hope you have enough money for an Uber.” He said then. “301 or 501?”

 

Elizabeth chuckled, setting down her drink and stepping over to the second dart board. “501. Keep count.” She said to the third boy, taking one of the darts in her hand and aiming for the red in the center, squinting slightly to adjust her sight before throwing the dart in one fluid motion.

 

Bullseye.

 

“Fifty.” Elizabeth counted, watching the third boy write down the score. She ignored how she was labeled as MILF, readying her second dart and repeating the motion for it to enter the outer ring. “Twenty-five.” The third dart was flawlessly made into the triple ring under the 20. “Sixty.”

 

Ike blanched, “That’s 366.”

 

Elizabeth smiled, retrieving her darts and returning to her drink, “Your turn.”

 

“Dude, you can do this.” The first boy said, “All that practice is for this moment!”

 

“ _Shut up_.” Ike hissed out, getting into position. He aimed for the 1, needing to take that pesky number out first.

 

“One.” He announced. Aiming now for the bullseye. “Fifty.” Again. “Fifty.”

 

“400.” The third one said, “She’s 34 ahead of you.”

 

Ike was tense for the entire game, glaring at the woman every time she seemed to go for a triple ring in a great spot. It was like she was playing with him, getting her rocks off over pummeling a teenager. He never once thought that she was that good at darts, keeping him working hard to keep up the score only to fall behind drastically.

 

The Elizabeth Horowitz he knew wasn’t like this at all. She was a hot-headed horrible bitch that lived off of tepid coffee and got off on making everyone miserable. The fact that she was hot was her saving grace because her off-putting personality made her a good topic for his other friends’ theories. Was she that angry and wild in bed? Or did her crotch have teeth and bit off dicks that tried to fuck her? No one knew that answer, actually. She had no personal life that was known to everyone else and no significant other to speak of.

 

Now he was in front of a woman that drank whiskey like it was water and had a skilled hand at his favorite bar game, a woman that was taking pleasure in whipping his ass and gloating about how he was still too young to be good enough.

 

When she finally won the game, when she stepped away so casually to talk to the bartender, when she waved mockingly at all three of them as the doorman hauled them all out and kicked them to the streets while she kept her prize, a newfound passion erupted inside of him.

 

Oh, no one provoked Ike Broflovski. Not even his college English professor.

* * *

 

 

Ike Broflovski was given the chance to skip a handful of grades years ago, but he refused. Despite him being a genius, he didn’t want to leave the friends he had acquired since kindergarten. To fill the void between hanging out with his friends and getting astounding grades, he became a well-versed troublemaker. He had a good teacher in that department, long-time troublemaker and friend Kenny McCormick. Ike looked up to Kenny, often called him Obi-Wan as he was great with advice, better than his brother when it came to the good shit. Kyle was under too much pressure from their mother, cleverly crafted to be the voice of reason to his four friends while undergoing his own identity crisis at times. Kenny, unlike Kyle, had experience in places that his big brother lacked. Kenny was streetwise, and Kyle was book-smart. Though despite their polar opposite personalities, they made a great couple.

 

Ike wanted to be the trifecta. Street smart, book smart, and sex smart. He was intelligent enough to hack into the Pentagon when he was five, knowing how to evade a bully despite being twice as small, and he knew how exactly to get a woman to make out with him after a good hour of strategic flirting with an option for third base.

 

He learned quick, and he learned right. With all of the trouble he got in, he made up for it quickly with his grades. His mother was too focused on making Kyle into the perfect lawyer that thankfully he was able to get away with more than if she _did_ dote on him. Not that he allowed his mother to find out what exactly he did when he _wasn’t_ at home. The only thing in his mind was learning new things and having fun while doing it. If those _things_ were borderline illegal, then whoopsie.

 

He learned about Elizabeth Horowitz in his high school English class, one of the authors in his assigned reading list for the summer. She had only three books to her name, at the age of fifteen, three wonderfully brilliant books that were about dystopian fantasies with controversial topics that could only happen in a future world. Her writing was amazing and left him with questions and theories. He liked her books so much, he did a google search on her. She was still alive, but she never wrote after her third book, like she upped and vanished. He spent most of his summer actively searching, eventually finding that the woman was now a teacher, and as luck would have it, teaching at the University of California - LA.

 

His hopes and dreams haven’t been more dashed upon actually meeting the woman.

 

Elizabeth Horowitz was a hard woman, uncaring and unfriendly and basically jaded to the world. She had a world-renowned temper when it came to her students, coming off as cold and angry more often than not. It was like something had happened in her life that warped her creative personality into that of a prison guard. However, he could make out the faintest of sparks when she would be deep into a lecture about a book, carving out wonderful ideas and astounding philosophical awareness. 

 

Though, during the weekend, as he took his new fake ID out to play at an obscure pub that his friends suggested, he was met with an entirely different woman. A woman with fire in her eyes and a sense of mirth in her step. She zeroed in on him and took him for a ride with a challenging grin that absolutely mocked him for the choices he made that night. This woman now wasn’t the woman he and his classmates knew, this was an entirely different person that looked more alive than the professor that sometimes looked dead inside.

 

He could practically hear his brother’s voice for thinking what he was thinking, the reminder that he was eighteen and this woman was at least into her thirties being a challenge that he overcame once before at the mere age of four. He still had a thing for older women, often going after select teachers in high school because of the pure adrenaline rush that he was doing something illegal. He had his vices, and he came to terms with it.

 

Besides, he was eighteen, the past wouldn’t repeat itself when he was actually legal now. His brother wouldn’t be there to scream guilt into his head and just this once, he’s chosen a professor that _wouldn’t_ become so lovesick that she’d jump off the roof of the school. Though, illicit affairs could wait for now.

 

He had to deal out some payback first, and he was going to enjoy it.

* * *

 

 

There were three hard rules for attending English 101 with Horowitz.

 

  1. Never. Ever. Under no circumstances other than a horrific accident or some sort of dire emergency, have your phone visible or in your hand in class. Cell Phones were a hindrance as well as the social media apps that were connected to them. You were there to learn, not to check your tweets.
  2. Participation and attendance are a must if you want to get a semblance of a good grade in the class. To be absent without a valid reason translated that you had better things to do than to waste your time in her class. Lack of participation meant that you had no opinion and rode on the coattails of those who had one.
  3. The only contact email that was given was the best and only way to get answers. To speak with Horowitz outside of class, even if it was about the assignments to the class you were in, will be met with hostility. Her off-time was strictly off-limits.



 

She was horribly strict, with her no-nonsense rules and regulations. However, despite her shrewish demeanor towards the student body, her teaching methods were able to get the job done. Her methods were realistic, how she never tolerated childish behavior or slacking off, and expected her students to behave like adults then how college freshman would typically act. To enroll into one of Horowitz’s classes meant getting a literal shock to your system that thrust you into the eyes of the real world, and she definitely had no compassion to coddle anyone.

 

Elizabeth Horowitz’s all around goal was to get people to stop thinking in the hive-minded world that was dominated by social media and celebrity TV shows. She worked for inspiring creative and divergent thinking that one could only get from a book or poem.

 

Ike was the only one who could see how the class was designed, while everyone else failed to see the subtle nuance between the strict rules and the professor’s horrible attitude.

 

The syllabus for the year was dedicated to the hidden discourse within the series Harry Potter. Taking a look at the political views of Wizards versus Muggles, wherein the class was split into three groups to defend the viewpoints between traditional Pureblood values, modern Half-Blood understanding and the plight of Muggle-Borns. The reading assignment was the first time Horowitz attempted something that was a mainstream read, other than sticking to timeless classics.

 

Everyone knew her opinion on the series itself.

 

She _hated_ it.

 

The thick book was heavy in her hand, and she let it drop with a good ‘thump’ to her desk, Elizabeth leaning against her desk and allowing everyone to fall into attention. “Let’s discuss something different this week.” She began. “I’ll give you a nice and simple topic: Why is Harry Potter, the title character, such an idiot?” When she asked the question her hand went for her coffee mug that was sitting on her USB warmer, bringing it to her lips.

 

A student rose his hand, “He’s the main character, though.”

 

Elizabeth shook his head, “Being the main character doesn’t make you infallible, Steven. Throughout the entire seven books, he’s been stupid. He’s been selfish and inconsiderate, and I’d love someone to tell me _why_.”

 

Some students were looking through the fifth book, and someone already had her hand up.

 

“I’ve noticed something in the fifth book, Ms. Horowitz.” She began, glancing down at her notes. “He’s being too moody, shouting at everyone and all that.”

 

Elizabeth smirked, “Well, teenagers are often shouting at everyone.”

 

“He’s treating everyone like their shit isn’t as important as his shit.” Ike said aloud, “How he’s so fucking annoyed at Cho for mourning her boyfriend and then he expects everyone to bend over because he lost Sirius.”

 

“I still think it’s PTSD. He’s been a victim his whole life.” Another student commented.

 

“Making excuses for someone when they’ve practically done everything to fuck their own life up doesn’t count.” Elizabeth stepped forward, looking towards Ike. “Isaac here has a good point, but there’s something else.”

 

“Well, he wouldn’t have lost Sirius in the first place if he didn’t remember that he had a damn communication mirror and used that instead of trying to firecall him.” Ike continued, “He had a lot of those moments, really. He sets himself up for all his troubles.”

 

“No, given the heat of the moment, he couldn’t have remembered the mirror!” A girl looked indignant, “Everything was all going to hell and you have a gigantic headache in your head and this monster of a teacher looming over you and under such stress, you can’t think logically.”

 

“Valid point, Mason.” Elizabeth smiled, “However, I would think someone as intelligent as Hermione would possibly remind him. Let us not forget that his first few years, he goes looking for trouble without thinking. He targets a teacher who is told isn’t evil, by teachers he trusts, because he thinks he knows better than his elders. He then goes and blames this Slytherin boy for his problems in the second year only because the kid is a racist, and racism doesn’t really mean he did anything other than spout out a slur.”

 

“If he wasn’t an idiot then there wouldn’t be a story, though.” Someone said then.

 

The debate continued, but Ike’s eyes were on the laptop that sat in the front of the room. He was in the best position to break into the machine from his own laptop, having hacked into the private college wifi before his first class. Getting into the professor’s laptop needed him to be nearly in the same room, and now all that was between him and her files was a password. He already had that taken care of, though, a program running in the background to work on that and all he needed was the rest of the hour.

 

Ike made sure to keep making comments as if he just went quiet now then it wouldn’t go by unnoticed. Everyone was required to throw in an opinion, or a question, and he wasn’t exempt from the rules despite what he was really doing behind the screen. The topic of the lead character being an idiot somehow led to why the lead wasn’t Hermione Granger herself, but he checked out just as the program finally cracked the password. He quickly checked the clock and noted he had five minutes left, quickly browsing the file directory and hiding a smile when he came upon the main documents folder, quickly copying everything inside of it to his own laptop just as the class was winding down.

 

“Alright, kids.” Elizabeth shut the lid of her laptop without looking, effectively severing the connection between Ike’s laptop and her own and not knowing what had transpired. “The midterms will be covering questions like these, so I expect some thoughtful answers. I _will_ know if you’re bullshitting me, and that will count against your score.” She stared hard at a few of the students, “The quality is better than the quantity.”

 

Ike only smiled, shutting his own laptop and waiting until the other students filed out to approach Elizabeth’s desk while she was putting her own items away. “So,” He began.

 

Elizabeth quirked a brow in his direction, narrowing her eyes. “What?”

 

“There’s a dartboard in the student game room,” He suggested, “We can double the wager.”

 

If it was a joke of some sort, she wasn’t amused. “Go away.” She said then, keeping her glare until he finally relented. Ike only chuckled, hiking his way back to his dormitory and shutting himself off in his room. His laptop was still on, and all he needed to do was open the files he had copied into his own desktop, filtering through some mundane online essays emailed to her by students and coming upon a couple of interesting folders. One of them had dozens of Excel files depicting plot points to something major, skeletal remains of a fantasy world that he discovered to be fleshed out in a sole Word document. Political details, a faux religion, characters and various cities. It was like a treasure trove of information that once written out, would be creating something fantastic.

 

The files were dated ten years ago, and have been opened sporadically since then, but unopened since a certain point. He began to question why this hadn’t been touched for quite a while, what in the world was holding her back? The same woman who created those three books so long ago could have been an author that was discussed in literature class, not a professor that was discussing authors who beat her to the punch.

 

He reached into his backpack and dug around for a thumb drive, sticking it into the laptop to keep the files there. Ike felt a little frustrated now, finding something so amazing while he was trying to dig up dirt on her wasn’t something he expected, but he pushed through the irritation and continued browsing.

 

He stopped again when he reached a seemingly mundane folder, clicking on it to get to another, it contained three more folders, one marked ‘Book Editor’.

 

_Elizabeth,_

 

_I’m inquiring you about the fourth installment of your series, Crimson Whispers Among Tempting Chaos. The first part is rather slow for my liking, I’m sure your readers would prefer not to be teased until the action begins, you seem to be saving everything for the second part and while the first part keeps me on my toes, I suggest spreading out the scenes so it keeps your readers in the moment. These are just suggestions, and while I trust you to consider them you’re still my most popular author. Also, I’d wait to make the big reveal in your planned fifth installment, so it keeps their interest._

 

_I’m stopping by on Saturday to check in on your progress._

 

Ike re-read the letter, mouthing the title for the book again and clicking out. She was still an author, and according to the date of the letter it was written at least a month ago. He stopped his search, for now, to hop on Google, searching for Crimson Whispers Among Tempting Chaos.

 

The first thing he got was an Amazon link, taking him to the Crimson Whispers trilogy.

 

A trilogy that was written under the name A. Bloodstone.

 

Ike had to read the summaries at least three times before going back to the file tree and searching again frantically, finding a folder under an innocent title and coming across almost fifteen documents among twenty excel files. His eyes widened at one of the files he clicked on, and a laugh erupted from deep within his gut. He couldn’t stop laughing, skimming the entire story and stopping only to lay back on the bed and cover his face with his hands, howling with laughter.

 

Sweet Moses, his English professor wrote and sold adult novels.


	2. A Lesson About Sex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sex near the end, if you wanna bypass that then stop at the 0000000

A. was short for Avery Bloodstone, according to Wikipedia. Avery Bloodstone was thought to be a male author, who had written at least thirteen erotic novels, three of which were award-winning. The Crimson Whispers series was about a lone heroine, jaded with thoughts of the world around her and relying on only fantasy books to fulfill her dreams, who is one day the sole witness to a falling meteorite that turns out to be an alien pod. Her world is turned upside down when an alien with crimson eyes is forced to keep watch on the girl because she has evidence of his existence.

 

It was too good to be true, the fact that Elizabeth Horowitz was still writing, but under a pseudonym and churning out harlequin romances that housewives would buy. It was like God himself was giving him a weapon and telling him how to use it.

 

His English professor wasn’t the type to even lean in that direction. She even dressed like a Mormon housewife, a Mormon housewife that went to obscure bars and drank hard liquor. His mind was going wild, wondering what else she was hiding under that shrewd demeanor. Was she also a cam girl? A dominatrix? What else was going on other than erotic novellas?

 

He bought the three Crimson Whispers books from Amazon, as he needed hard evidence before the big reveal. The only concern in his mind was how he was going to actually look at her the next day without breaking into hysterical laughter. He had to play it cool for at least a week, and that was going to be a special kind of hell.

 

His classes with Horowitz were on every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and the books would arrive on Tuesday. He had at least five days to read them, because he wanted to know what he was going to torment her about if he was planning on using her secret to his advantage. The decision between confronting her about the job and being subtle about it was the biggest debate Ike had with himself, and he felt like subtlety was the best in this situation. He had the best way to let her know, as a ten-page essay was due the following week.

 

The fact that he was writing an essay on an adult novel rather than his required book hadn’t left his mind, and Ike couldn’t help but laugh every now and then at the situation. Though, despite the humor in what he was actually doing, he had to give his professor credit. The first book, Crimson Whispers Above Clouded Skies, wasn’t as cheesy as the title deemed it to be. It was an honestly interesting read, and if you looked over the gratuitous sex scenes, the book could have rivaled any other fantasy novel out there. After the initial humor worn off, he wondered just why she would write under a pseudonym in such a genre. The work was fantastic and the awards for the trilogy itself were rightfully earned.

 

So on Monday, he stepped into the room and placed his neatly composed essay on his professor’s desk, giving her a smile despite how hungover and moody Elizabeth looked at that moment. She was currently nursing a thermos of coffee, with that resting bitch face that wanted nothing more than to burrow down back into the depths of the underworld and resume her slumber.

 

The professor counted up every essay that was piled on her desk, looking almost satisfied at the number that she was given. “Self-study.” She said then, “Keep your voices to a whisper and I won’t castrate you.”

 

Elizabeth had previously taken enough Tylenol to choke a horse, cursing her poor decisions of the night prior. Getting into a drinking contest with the resident old man at Shannon’s Pub wasn’t a good idea, especially when he drank Jameson like it was water. The old man’s great hangover cure was also shit, as a Guinness first thing in the morning didn’t really work like it should have. It just proved to her that older people weren’t exactly full of timeless wisdom and were full of shit just like the next person.

 

She reached out to gather the essays, flipping through them and debating on reading them now or when she left. She picked up the thickest one, written by Ike Broflovski, glancing at the boy who was watching her steadily, like he was waiting for her to read it. She quirked a brow at his silent interest and looked over the cover, seeing nothing so awe-inspiring until she began to actually read the first page.

 

_While I was assigned to discuss the character dynamics between Albus Dumbledore and Tom Riddle I think I’d rather talk about the dynamics between the main characters in a different book altogether, a hot-headed alien named Jinx and the jaded human female named Dakota Paige from the book Crimson Whispers Above Clouded Skies..._

 

Elizabeth practically slammed the paper down onto the desk, her eyes wide and staring directly at Ike while her sudden action startled the rest of the students. She and Ike stared each other down for a moment until he quirked up a grin of his own. Elizabeth narrowed her eyes in return and finally stood up. “Class is over, get out.” She announced to everyone, refusing to tear her eyes from Ike and remaining still while the students escaped while they still could.

 

Ike stayed in his seat, still grinning at her and drumming his fingers on the table.

 

She waited until the door shut and finally stepped towards his desk. “Is this supposed to be a joke?” She asked lowly.

 

Ike tilted his head, “What kind of joke, Miss Horowitz? All I did was write an essay.” His voice was dripping in false innocence.

 

Elizabeth’s eye twitched, “Mister Broflovski, whatever you’re intending to do, please consider that doing anything against me is a horrible choice to make.” She threatened.

 

Ike stood up to meet her glare, stepping up towards her and enjoying the fact that he had a few inches on her. “I’m sure if you don’t want anyone else here to read your lovely little harlequin novels, you’ll agree to meet with me somewhere private to discuss a payment plan.”

 

Elizabeth looked murderous, “You’re _blackmailing_ me?”

 

Ike smiled cooly, “No, this is payback for the bar incident, nothing more.” He stepped away then, “I left my number in the essay, shoot me a text soon babe.” He couldn’t look any more cocky, blowing her a kiss before his professor could throw a book at him.

 

* * *

 

_Saturday at 5 PM. Hillcrest Apartments. 504 West Fifth Avenue, Apartment 6B. Ring twice._

 

The text arrived on a Friday morning, which was a sign after the rest of the week’s English classes were canceled. Ike idly wondered if he actually scared her, and while it was his intention at first, the more he thought about it, scaring her wasn’t his end goal. He wasn’t a horrible person, for fuck's sake. He actually had more fun getting a rise out of his favorite professor, and now he was feeling guilty for how he carried out his big reveal. No mind, he thought. The damage was done, and all he had now was a good chance to ease her worries.

 

It was fun, seeing her so pissed off with those green eyes projecting flames. It was almost poetic, how elegant she looked when she was angry. What was more fun was seeing her behave in that wild and fun way when she wasn’t angry at the world and not trying to be that professor who always had a stick up her ass. It was a rare vision, seeing Elizabeth in her natural environment actually having fun, even if that ‘fun’ required hustling a young teenager that wanted to have a good time.

 

He wanted to see that again, at least once, and not on the receiving end if she decided to destroy another child’s life. Because when he was thrown out of the pub at that night, he and his friends ran into a few cops, and those cops called his parents. He had to endure a long phone-call with his mother and tried desperately to stop her from coming up to his dorm the following weekend.

 

Of course, he blamed Elizabeth for it. He knew what he wanted in return, and Saturday couldn’t come fast enough to make a deal.

* * *

 

 

Elizabeth Horowitz lived in a one-bedroom apartment on the sixth floor of an apartment building five blocks from the college. The apartment looked worse for wear, mostly because of all the books scattered around every room. When she moved into the apartment, all she had was a mattress and a hefty amount of books, and little to nothing else. Five years later she had gained silverware for the kitchen, a fridge (she couldn’t rely on take out every night), a worn-out couch and a bed frame for that mattress. Only after her editor began screaming at her about her work she decided to invest in a desk and some file drawers, to soothe the savage beast and try to learn better writing habits. Though she wrote mostly in restaurants and bars, so it was mostly for show. The apartment, not the desk.

 

The protocol of cleaning up the apartment when it came to guests wasn’t lost to her, but there wasn’t any protocol for cleaning up for your blackmailer. If the kid didn’t like it, then fuck him. She was too angry at the boy to care about presentation. Elizabeth had mentioned this to her editor a long time ago, about the would-be hypothetical chance that one of her students would discover what she really did in her spare time. The man laughed it off like it was a joke and told her that it wouldn’t happen.

 

She wanted to punch her editor in the throat because it was fucking happening. After ten years of writing obscene work and five years of teaching college English, she was now undergoing her worst nightmare. And it had to be Ike fucking Broflovski who held all the cards.

 

The boy was bright, very intelligent, and also very young and stupid. She decided on teaching in college to get away from children, and then she’s suddenly dealing with a child. She didn’t know after _that night_ she would be looking at a questionable consequence, that the boy would actually try to get her back for something as stupid as a fake ID, but then she wasn’t good at foreshadowing her own life at all.

 

All this over a fucking fake ID, her entire career hung in the balance of a boy who wasn’t mature enough to _get over it_. Now she had to deal with a petty and vindictive teenager that could leak her double life to the entire school over some...she hoped to god it wasn’t some sordid sex scandal that she’d be apart of. Kids did that, didn’t they? For Christ’s sake, her editor would be all over this.

 

When the doorbell finally rang, twice, Elizabeth had to take a shot of whiskey to calm her nerves. She checked her watch, finding that the boy was ten minutes early. Get it done and over with, she figured, steeling herself as she opened the door.

 

They were quiet when Ike stepped in, not even asking for permission, but Elizabeth could see that at least he wasn’t smug about it. She shut the door quickly, as if it was a shady black market deal taking place inside her living room.

 

Ike looked around the apartment, taking in the towers of books and how messy it was. Under a pile of books there was a couch, and somewhere beyond that there was a desk covered in papers. He could feel his professor’s glare in the back of his head as he assessed the room, “Nice place.” He finally said, needing to break the silence.

 

“No it isn’t.” Elizabeth said curtly. “I’d rather we don’t make small talk, just tell me what you want. The sooner it happens, the sooner you can leave, and the sooner I can drink myself into a hole.”

 

Ike nodded, “Straight to it, then.” He took a moment to think, stepping further into the room. “I want only two things, Miss Horowitz.” He said then, holding up a finger. “I want that fake ID back. I know you have it.” He said then, finally turning to see her vanish from the room and dig around in another, finally returning with his fake ID in hand and practically shoving it at him.

 

“There, take it, go.” She rushed, heading towards the door.

 

“Up-up-up,” He stopped her quickly, “The second thing I want is perfectly simple.” He smiled then, waiting for her to turn back towards him. “We are going to go out, not to that obscure pub of yours, but to a place I choose. You and I are going to have some drinks together and hang out, and have fun.”

 

Elizabeth stared at him steadily, waiting for the ‘and’, but nothing else came. She quirked a brow and repeated the word ‘fun’, looking for any hidden intent or implications that the word fun had behind it. “By ‘fun’, you mean…?”

 

“Just that.” Ike said, “Just plain and simple fun, for at least the rest of the night.”

 

She pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to think. “What you want to do, is….just have a few drinks with your professor, as if we are some semblance of friends, and have a good time.”

 

“Think of it as a date,” Ike said then, grinning. “I’m just omitting the funny stuff.”

 

“You--” She stopped herself, half inclined to kick him out, as she didn’t believe him when he meant that. College kids thrived on sex, it was a basic fact of life. But here this kid was, just wanting to ‘hang out’, with none of those provocative implications. She could practically feel the spirit of her editor haunting her, goading her into trying it out, as ‘inspiration always happened under the strangest circumstances’. Meanwhile, the logical part of her that wasn’t dumbed down by the whiskey was warning her about the path this could take. This was a bad sign in itself.

 

“That’s all you want?” She questioned again, “After that, we go about life as if it never happened? No funny shit, no ulterior motives?” She had to be sure.

 

Ike chuckled, “Just an innocent outing between two people, two adults.”

 

“One adult.” Elizabeth clarified, “As the last time I checked you’re still underage.”

 

“Nah, babe. Read the ID again, I’m at least twenty-three.” He flipped the ID in his fingers, pulling on a cool grin. “So when do you want to do this?”

 

Elizabeth checked her watch, “I don’t want to wait to get this done and over with. Let’s just...do it now, then afterward we’re back to a professional relationship, right?” She narrowed her eyes, “Don’t forget that I’m at least ten years older than you.”

 

Ike held up his hands in surrender, “I get it, but if we’re doing this tonight, allow me to go back home for an hour.”

 

She covered her face with her hands, nodding. She needed to actually take a shower anyway. The entire week was nothing but paranoia and whiskey shots and little to no sleep. “Go, just, go.” She said then, waiting for the door to open and shut before straightening up and trudging to the bedroom. “I’m going to regret this.” She said to herself.

* * *

 

 

The bell rang again after an hour, and in that time Elizabeth had a shower and something from the microwave, and two more shots after getting dressed. She opened the door to greet the teenager, who looked like he was going on an actual date, with his hair combed back and nice looking clothes. She said nothing, her hand twitching just slightly as she considered taking her laptop bag.

 

When she turned to venture for her desk she knew his eyes were following, and she heard the sigh when she grabbed the bag.

 

“You’re not working while we’re out.” He said, “The place we’re going to won’t be well lit for writing, anyway.”

 

Elizabeth groaned just slightly, letting go of the handle and turning back towards him, reaching for her purse instead. “You’re driving.” She decided, not in the mood to argue.

 

Of course, he was driving, as he could clearly see the open bottle of Jack Daniels on the kitchen counter. He snorted in amusement and allowed her to lock up, “Do you drink often?”

 

Elizabeth glared slightly at the sarcastic comment, “Not enough.” She answered lowly, following him into the elevator and enduring the close proximity until they were outside. His car was parked on the side, an old Mustang that needed a new paint job. No words were said when they got in, Ike only moving after she buckled herself in. There was a strong tension in the air, mostly coming from his English professor, the woman staring intently at her phone and typing on the keyboard.

 

Ike rolled his eyes at that, “First of all, we’re going to have some ground rules.” He kept his eyes on the road as he reached over to snatch her phone. “No cell phones in class, because I know about Google Docs and Pages well enough that I don’t trust you getting through this date without being on your phone.” He idly chucked the phone into the back seat, much to her annoyance.

 

“I might have an important call.” She countered.

 

“ _The only important calls are if you just got hit by a bus or you’re dead_.” He said in a mocking tone of her first day of class, smirking when she glared further at him.

 

Elizabeth didn’t find it amusing that her biggest rule was being used against her, folding her arms irritably and leaning back in the seat like a petulant child.

 

“Second rule is that you’re with me at all times,” Ike said then, grinning. “I’m not about to buy you a drink and come back to find out that you hailed a cab and ditched me. Unless you’re in need of a bathroom, we use the buddy system.”

 

It was amusing, making rules for the night, mostly because it earned him such moody glares from someone who was nearly drunk. He wondered if she was going to be a handful after a while, given her friendliness towards liquor.

 

“My third and final rule, you’re going to have to talk to me.” He said finally, turning onto another street as he did, “I’m not going to be the only one talking. Participation is required to get a good grade in this class.” He teased.

 

“What the fuck kind of class is this? Drinking With Teenagers 101?” Elizabeth snapped back, “If we’re making out rules for this outing, I should throw down some of my own.”

 

“Ah-ah, not tonight babe. You’re the student here.” Ike grinned.

 

“That’s my first fucking rule, don’t call me anything but Miss Horowitz. No fucking pet names, no first names, don’t get _friendly_ with me.” She hissed out. “Second rule is no touching, for any reason whatsoever. You don’t lay a hand on me, don’t attempt to get me to dance, don’t try leading me anywhere, no contact. At. All.”

 

“You’re taking the fun out of my rule creating here,” Ike complained.

 

“Oh I’m sorry, but being _blackmailed_ into going on a date with a student took away every amount of humor away from me,” Elizabeth shouted.

 

“Hey! I could have done worse, you know. This isn’t my first rodeo for dealing with authority. There’s a whole lot I could have done and I’m actually being considerate with you.”

 

“Oh, thank you so much for being so kind to me.” She spat acidly, “All this over a fucking fake ID, oh I do feel special.”

 

Ike glared at the road, “Do you know how fucking difficult it was to get my mother to allow me to go to college in California? She had something else lined up for me entirely and you almost ruined everything for me in one night. I had to beg her not to come up here.”

 

Elizabeth rolled her eyes, “Oh, I feel so bad for not allowing a child to _break the law_.”

 

“That fake ID was the most important thing I ever got when I entered my senior year of high school!” He glanced at her quickly, “Do you even know how much you can’t do in a small mountain town where everyone knows you? I had to fucking drive to Denver with my friends, two hours up north. Or are you too _old_ to actually remember those trying times when you were a teenager that wanted to have fun?”

 

That seemed to cut the argument, effectively silencing Elizabeth as she reflected on her own past, the woman glancing at Ike and taking in his irritated glare as he drove. This wasn’t what she wanted to do, actually, have to think about a student’s argument and consider the fact that maybe he wasn’t wrong. She had a bad habit about needing to be right in every argument she started and giving a blind eye to anyone else’s reasoning that didn’t fit her own logic. Teenagers made fake IDs, it was an obvious fact. The reasons for doing so, however, varied for the teen that was doing it. She never did it when she was young, but it didn’t mean she was a good girl. More often than not she’d sneak liquor out of her parents' cabinet to take the edge off. So perhaps, yes, she and Ike were similar in one aspect, but she’d be damned if they’d bond over underage drinking.

 

Elizabeth sighed, the liquor making her feel a tad guilty for her own attitude. “Why...did you come here, then?” She asked quietly.

 

Ike didn’t look at her, driving into a parking lot, “It doesn’t really matter right now.” He said harshly, quickly shutting her down. He parked the car and got out, waiting for her to do the same.

 

The woman glanced out the window, unfamiliar with this area. The street looked bare, save for a few gatherings of twenty-somethings that were speaking outside a building that seemingly looked abandoned on the outside. A single neon sign sat low, blinking out the word Secret, which looked like a prophetic symbol than anything. The irony wasn’t lost on the English professor, not at all.

 

Elizabeth got out, keeping close to the kid in front of her as he maneuvered the small crowds, and seemingly greeting most of the patrons. He suddenly didn’t have that annoyed frown, but just a cool grin as he hailed familiar faces known only to him. The atmosphere changed quickly and there wasn’t any tension in the air, the boy was now in his element and Elizabeth quickly felt like the outsider, feeling far too old in such a place. She assumed she’d get strange looks at the boy’s plus one, but no one paid her any mind.

 

Even the doorman knew Ike, which astounded her. This eighteen-year-old child was a regular at a seemingly popular nightclub, posing as a twenty-three-year-old man who wasn’t blatantly breaking the law. Part of the lie was his confidence, the boy walking around like he practically owned the club itself, greeting more patrons like they were lifelong friends. It wasn’t a far cry from the cocky student she already was accustomed to, and she began to wonder who the hell Ike Broflovski really was.

 

“Let’s sit here.” He called out to her as if they never got into an argument inside the car. The table he lead her to was far from the dance floor, in a place that wasn’t drowned out by the thumping of music. Elizabeth remained quiet, sitting at the high table and looking over the dark club, illuminated only by multi-colored lights that moved with the beat of the music overhead. At the head of the club was a bar that was glowing in white, like a beacon in the dark that beckoned patrons to partake in the variety of elixirs it held. She realized then that her editor was right again, that different places were good for inspiration, but she lacked her phone or laptop to take advantage of the spark.

 

“What do you want to drink?” He asked then, staying near his professor and tapping his fingers on the small drink menu that was provided for them. He already knew what he was going to have, waiting for her to look over the selection, which she did, her facial expressions changing over the names and liquor contents. He cracked a grin at her discovery that most of them included energy drinks, and mostly nothing was straight-up liquor.

 

“There’s nothing here I’m familiar with,” Elizabeth said then, turning the small menu over and back. She set it down and stared at him, “Whatever’s the strongest, I suppose.” She decided in finality.

 

“Right, now be a good girl and stay here.” Ike stepped back slowly, keeping an eye on her before heading for the bar to get the drinks.

 

Elizabeth couldn’t leave even if she wanted to. Her phone was in his car, and they were in a neighborhood she never stepped foot inside. She resigned herself to the flashing lights and the loud music, idly watching the people dancing on the glowing floor and slowly feeling old. She was only twenty-eight, but she felt ten-times older.

 

“One Cosmic Seven and one Unholy Wave.” Ike’s voice chimed in as he hovered her drink in front of her face, a nice-sized glass full of liquid that swirled with something red, a single lime perched on the edge of the glass. His own drink was darker, with something glowing in the middle that made the blue and purple stand out.

 

“Unholy Wave.” She repeated, taking the glass and bringing the drink to her lips, tasting something strong mixed into the drink, but her face changed when she came across the hot sauce, almost spitting it out as her eyes widened in complete shock. She started coughing, setting the glass down quickly, “W-what the fuck?”

 

“That’s the sriracha.” Ike said knowingly, “You’ll get used to it.”

 

Elizabeth stared at the drink like she was offended with its existence. “Get used to it.” She repeated again, grimacing just slightly when she tried it again and set it down. “I’ll pay them double to give me a simple gin and tonic.”

 

Ike laughed at that, enjoying his own drink without any trouble. Elizabeth watched him suspiciously, wondering if he did it on purpose. She quickly reached out to take his glass, curious. He allowed her to take her own sip and laughed again when she looked actually pleased at the drink. “This is mine now,” She decided, shoving the spicy drink over towards him and keeping his.

 

Ike was truly amused at the switch, taking the red drink and not having any trouble in drinking it. He chose this one as it was literally the strongest the bartender would make, but given the situation, he figured he needed to catch up with his professor somehow.

 

They fell into a mutual silence for a while, and Ike couldn’t stop watching her for the entire time. When he took another gulp of his drink he finally decided to come clean.

 

“I enrolled at the University of California to follow someone.” He said honestly, catching her attention. “At the time I really didn’t know where I wanted to go, all I knew was that I just didn’t want to go where my mom had in mind.”

 

Elizabeth nodded quietly, “A girlfriend, then.” She tried so hard not to roll her eyes at the situation, “Sounds plausible for a teenager.”

 

Ike shook his head, “Not a girlfriend, actually. I was following an author.” He smiled, not taking his eyes off of her. “During the summer of my senior year my English class was given a summer reading list, and among the novels we had to read, there were three books by the same author that really caught my eye. I never really thought I’d be so interested in a book, I’m more of a tech guy, yanno? But then I read these three novels, the Against series.”

 

Elizabeth stopped mid-drink at the mention of the novels, staring at him cautiously. It was difficult to tell if he was being serious or setting her up for a joke because no one had admitted to her ever about reading her previous novels, they were so far obscure and written so long ago that she sometimes thought they were a dream she had in her teens. To think that a school unearthed them for a reading assignment…

 

Ike could see her skepticism, smiling just slightly at her reaction, “You were really good, you know?” He said then, “I googled you after reading your books because I was hoping to read more. I was so disappointed when there wasn’t anything else. You were way ahead of your time, Liz. So, I did some searching, and then I see you became a professor. I fought my mom tooth and nail to go to California. I was so hopeful on the first day of your class, but then instead of this lively and passionate woman I envisioned, I got a brooding woman that seemed to become jaded by the world.”

 

Elizabeth let out a bitter laugh, “Sorry for bursting your bubble, kid.” She finished off her drink, sighing. “You arrived ten years too late.”

 

“I don’t really think so.” Ike grinned then, “There are times when I see something. I’ve been paying attention. Sometimes you go off in a tangent in your lectures, you have some kind of spark in your eyes. Then there was this one time, at a crummy old bar, that the spark was a full-blown fire while you decided to hustle one of your own students out of his fake ID.”

 

She didn’t really know what to say at that, looking away slightly and holding up her glass. “If you intend to analyze me all night, I demand another drink.”

 

He chuckled, grabbing the glass, “Stay.” He said firmly, leaving the table for a moment.

 

Elizabeth’s head sank, her hands haloing her forehead as she recalled everything her student had said. He was there because of _her_. He did all this because of _her_. This eighteen-year-old child was following a fourteen-year-old memory of someone she used to be. She never expected to sit through this kind of revelation.

 

She let out a quiet groan, wondering just how delusional this boy was. Was he under a false presumption that there was some sort of divine connection between the two of them? She was right, he was ten years too late because she was nearly in her thirties and he was still a full-blooded teenager that was chasing a fantasy.

 

When he returned, she greedily took the drink that was offered. She had to speak now before her thoughts were further dulled down by the alcohol. “Do I have to remind you about the fact that any illusion of kinship you think we could possess is just that, an illusion?” She questioned, stopping him before he could speak again. “I’m way too old for you, kid.”

 

Ike combated that with his own sly smile, “You’re still assuming that this is my first rodeo, Liz. I’m not exactly someone who goes for women my own age. For the illusion part, I don’t have illusions about what I see. You’re still alive in there, despite what you try to make others believe. Meanwhile, you see a young kid, but you have to realize that I’m far more mature than you make me out to be.”

 

Elizabeth’s eye twitched, and she finally slipped out of her seat. “I need a cigarette.” She breathed.

 

“Buddy system, babe.” He reminded her, getting up and leading her out a different direction, towards the back of the building, a wide, fenced-in area that only had a handful of people gathered in two different areas. Elizabeth took out her packet of cigarettes once they were outside, choosing a bench near the wall and sitting down so she could light up. As soon as she took a deep inhale, the cig was torn away from her fingers and she turned to glare at the raven-haired boy that was at her side, smirking as he took a drag for himself.

 

Elizabeth’s glare weakened but she didn’t say anything when he returned the stick to her fingers, and they switched off until the cigarette was dead and flicked away into a can. The woman was having a hard time thinking, staring off at the empty buildings nearby and attempting thought. Because thinking was a must right now and the way the boy was lacing his fingers in her’s was registering in her mind as one of those rules she created, but she forgot just why it was a rule in the first place.

 

Ike was pleasantly drunk, but not shitfaced. It was a goal in itself not to get completely wasted. He had successfully caught up with his companion, and he wondered if she was drunker than he was. He didn’t really care, though. Her hand felt nice in his and she didn’t say anything against the contact. They sat there for a moment longer before Ike pulled her along to go back inside.

 

The loudness of the club wasn’t unpleasant, Elizabeth surmised, and the hand in hers wasn’t as irritating as it should have been. She still wanted to remember the rule she had about that, but the thumping of the music was too interesting for her to care about such a trivial matter. She let out a small laugh, remembering her editor trying to get her out to one of these clubs two years ago and how she was staunchly against it. If she knew then what she knew now, about how dark and anonymous the atmosphere was, then she would have reconsidered.

 

There were two new drinks at the table, and Elizabeth zoned in on her glowing mixed drink quickly. She was starting to actually enjoy this night out, and her companion wasn’t as irritating as she once thought. When she looked at Ike he seemed to be in his own thoughts, staring at her like some mystery he wanted to uncover. She caught his eyes briefly and returned a smile.

 

“I think I’m having fun.” She said then, breaking him out of his thoughts.

 

“What?” Ike couldn’t believe he heard those words, laughing slightly in a newfound nervousness. Christ, he felt like a kid on a first date. Technically, it was, but something about the fact that his professor having to be plied with liquor to have an ounce of fun didn’t feel right to him. Just as he started hearing his brother’s triad on the ethics of being a student, he quickly shoved the guilt away. This was different. He wasn’t in high school or grade school, and this wasn’t one of his schoolboy trysts wherein his goal was to sleep with his teacher. No, Elizabeth Horowitz wasn’t a random hot teacher he wanted to bang, this was a professor he has grown to appreciate and wanted to challenge, and this night wasn’t about getting laid.

 

Ike was back in his thoughts and Elizabeth could sense it, frowning somewhat and grabbing his hand, tugging him away from their table. “Stop it.” She said harshly.

 

He realized she was trying to pull him away, “What?” He repeated.

 

“You’re thinking too much.” She said loud enough for him to hear, “Let's try not to think any more than we have to, now show me how to dance before I change my mind!”

 

The small lecture made him laugh, “Y-you want to what?”

 

Elizabeth managed to grin at him, resuming on pulling him towards the dance floor. “I’m not good!” She called out before the music became too loud. The both of them took a spot on the dance floor, and Elizabeth did her best to mimic other patrons. Ike laughed again and shook his head, leaning in to whisper something in her ear and then demonstrating a proper dance move, The Electro Shuffle from the game Fortnite. The woman watched him for a moment and did her best to follow, the two of them breaking out into laughter after a moment. Elizabeth stopped him then, grabbing his arm and tiptoeing to whisper something into his ear, resuming a straight pose and taking hold of his hands to lead him into a proper waltz. The timing of the dance was off and against the music, but the both of them didn’t care at the moment. They danced until the beat of the song died down and something different transitioned in, Lindsey Stirling’s The Phoenix.Elizabeth recognized the music and her eyes found the club DJ, the man flashing his glowing teeth at her.

 

Ike grinned, allowing Elizabeth to lead the dance to the song she was already used to. It was different, how ecstatic the woman looked as she twirled into his arms as if she hadn’t ever once been a cynical realist in her life. At that moment he got sight of the real woman he fell for back in high school, the girl that wrote enrapturing worlds and vexing stories with high hopes for the future in front of her.

 

When the song ended into something louder, Elizabeth stopped. Her hands suddenly slipped away from his and her eyes widened in a sudden realization that she was _having fun with a student_ , a student that blackmailed for this evening. She stepped away quickly, finding the bathroom right away while hearing Ike call out for her in the mix of noise that surrounded them.

 

The bathroom was somewhat quiet, girls of different ages filtering in and out but Elizabeth ignored the voices, leaning against the wall and taking a shaky breath. The bricks were cold and she opened her hands to feel the ridges and dips, still hearing her name being uttered from the other side. All she needed was a few minutes, she thought to herself, stepping over to the sink and splashing some water on her face.

 

Thinking was impossible right now, so she had to rely on what she felt at the moment. She felt good. She felt great. She felt like she used to feel once upon a time. But while she felt good, she also felt irritated. Irritated with Isaac Broflovski. The annoyingly handsome boy who acted like he knew everything. He was the reason she was here, pretending to be innocent when he wasn’t innocent at all. He _blackmailed_ her into this date, into this surprisingly lovely date with a surprisingly lovely guy…

 

Elizabeth smacked the sink, effectively startling some nameless girls. She was thinking again. Thinking of all the wrong things. Isaac was a student and nothing more. Right?

 

Nothing more.

 

Ike stopped calling for her, waiting out in the hallway and keeping a good eye on the door. He felt nervous, like that one blissful moment he had with the woman was quickly torn to shreds by her own combative thoughts. They were just starting to have fun, he was just starting to see the real Elizabeth, and now she locked herself away in the bathroom. His heart was pounding and he wondered if it was from the adrenaline from the dance floor, the boy pulling on a small frown while wondering how much longer he had with her.

 

He really didn’t want this night to end. He would drag it on if he had to, take her to another bar, a quieter bar, so they could talk. He’d have to leave his car, maybe they could take an Uber. The only thing he didn’t want to do was leave her side. He laughed at the thought because it sounded like he was in love. If anything, he just didn’t want them to resume their teacher-student relationship, and for the love of Christ, he didn’t want to see her go back to being the cold bitch she knew how to be.

 

When Elizabeth finally left the bathroom, Ike intercepted her. “Hope you washed your hands.” He joked while taking one of hers.

 

Elizabeth sighed, somewhat annoyed that he was suddenly there, like her babysitter. “You didn’t have to wait for me.” She said then, stepping further down the hall.

 

“Buddy system. Remember?” Ike queried, holding up her hand again, “Do...you want another cigarette?”

 

“I _need_ another drink,” Elizabeth answered tiredly. Ike shook his head, laughing slightly.

 

“I don’t want to pick you up off the floor.” He replied, laughing again at her facial reactions, how she looked indignant and close to arguing. Ike grinned, pressing a finger to her lips to stop her.

 

She felt like a child at the moment, being told what she could and couldn’t have when she very well knew her limits. She didn’t enjoy being policed by a child, not one bit. Elizabeth shoved his hand away from her face quickly, glaring at him slightly. “Didn’t your mother tell you to respect your elders?” She questioned.

 

Ike couldn’t hold in the laugh, “You’re not that old. Christ, Liz.” He grinned further, stepping closer to her and showing off his height, “Right now you look kinda small.”

 

“That’s another thing!” Elizabeth said then, backing towards the wall, “I hate how tall you are. You’re younger than me, Isaac, but you’re tall. It’s annoying.”

 

He was amused at the argument, stepping closer to her and almost bouncing on his toes to get even taller. “Ladies liked that about me, yanno.” He smirked, “Among other things.”

 

Elizabeth rolled her eyes at the comment, placing her hands on his chest to shove him back before another couple pushed past the two of them quickly, shoving Ike even closer to her. It wasn’t a good spot for them to linger in, the hallway between the back and the main floor, but it was quieter there with enough privacy for a wayward kiss.

 

It wasn’t clear who initiated the kiss, but as soon as it happened, it stopped. Ike chuckled breathlessly at Elizabeth’s flushed face, her hands gripping his shirt now and practically pulling him back to her so they could do it again. The second kiss was longer, something that isolated them from the rest of the world. Ike’s hand pressed against the wall while Elizabeth held onto him. Eventually, they separated when one of them needed to breathe, Elizabeth having shoved him back far enough.

 

“Let’s get out of here.” Ike decided then, taking her hand quickly and leading them back towards the front.

 

“You’re too drunk to drive,” Elizabeth said, spotting a sign a block away from the club and pulling Ike in the direction she was heading, Ike opened his mouth to speak but then he saw the sign, laughing slightly and breaking out into a faster pace than her.

 

There was a different kind of tension between them as they headed towards the motel, a tension that was backed up by alcohol and forbidden desires, and it made the time between the kiss and getting up into that room one that was full of some unseen pressure that built between them.

 0000000000

The door was practically kicked shut, clothes being pulled off at record speeds while alcohol-fueled intentions dominated all other thoughts that threatened to surface. Ike had to stop for a split second to admire the woman in matching black lace underwear, grinning widely before she countered his appreciative gaze with a grin and practically pushed him against the wall to pin him for another kiss. It was a passionate kiss that continued even when Ike pushed her towards the bed eagerly. Before she could push back he shook his head, still grinning.

 

"Stay. I want to explore you." He chuckled, mostly at the indignant look she was giving him. He didn't feel like going as quick as possible, and now that he was there he was going to take his time. He made sure to take it as slow as possible, removing her delicate panties and spreading her legs slowly.

 

It was different, how the roles switched. Elizabeth reacted like a virgin on her first night, while Ike had a full well of knowledge backing up his experience. Each touch was met with a new and satisfying reaction, and it was clear that the woman never got any attention in the place where it mattered. In the midst of his exploring, he had to stop to encourage her to make noise, which was met with a breathtaking flustered look on Elizabeth's face. He never felt so accomplished bringing her to orgasm right then than doing the same to someone else.

 

The act seemed to spark something inside of the woman, and after recollecting herself she reached out to grab his arm, tugging him down to quickly switch positions. She didn't say anything and avoided all eye-contact as she pushed him down and proceeded to undo his own boxers, tossing them away and suddenly freezing at what was underneath. "You fucker." She said lowly.

 

Ike managed a grin, "Heey."

 

Elizabeth stared at the girth and mumbled something under her breath, pushing away the sudden anxiety. Without the words, she was showing him personally her own knowledge she had, and according to how well he was cursing as she worked, she too knew how to take it agonizingly slow. It was something, how she could frustrate someone without trying, and she was actually enjoying what she was doing.

 

"If you don't stop this I'm gonna nut in your mouth, Christ!" Ike finally managed to stop her, receiving only an accomplished grin from the woman in front of him.

 

"I take it as a compliment." She said teasingly, laughing when he pulled her back to kiss him. The kiss was slower than the last one, both parties taking their time until their positions were flipped again.

 

“I’d like to feel it sometime soon.” Elizabeth murmured, quirking a small grin at him. Ike laughed breathlessly, kissing her again and moving into position, pressing into her slowly. The movement started out cautious and slow, finding a steady pace that felt pleasurable. Gradually the movements increased, mostly from the urgings from Elizabeth, whispering words into Ike’s ear until he shuddered and switched tempo. The longer they were joined the more passionate their movements became, up until the point that the pressure that accumulated between the both of them finally exploded into a blinding euphoria that left them feeling raw and exposed.

 

Elizabeth held on tight to Ike, breathing heavily and feeling the exhaustion set into her. She opened her mouth to say something but he quieted her with a lazy kiss, both of them managing a tired giggle between them before they let the exhaustion overtake them.


	3. A Lesson About Birth Control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for this chapter, mentions of heavy drinking while in the utmost early stages of pregnancy. I did research, and apparently, it's not uncommon but it's not as detrimental as it sounds, and as long as the person stops then the baby is safe. I'm going on the word of mouth from mothers who have been through it, from forums for mothers.
> 
> I don't approve of drinking while preggo, kids. 
> 
> Also, I don't drink so I can't gauge the alcohol intake on Elizabeth, let's just say she's had plenty of years of training to become the master drinker she is now.

Screaming wasn’t an option at 6 AM, when you woke up in the arms of one of your students in a bed that wasn’t yours. By the looks of the room itself, the taste of the 70s screamed ‘seedy motel’ and suddenly the memories of the night prior slammed into her thoughts like a mac truck.

 

She had kissed a student. She had willingly kissed a student. They were both drunk and had sex in a random motel room like it was a dirty little secret.

 

Elizabeth groaned, her head falling back on the pillow as she tried not to remember the bits and pieces of the night where she continued to make herself a statistic.

 

Ike, however, didn’t look the least bit shocked upon remembering the night before. Actually, he looked, happy? How could someone look happy about doing something morally wrong?

 

“Morning.” He yawned, cuddling up next to her until she went rigid as a board at the gesture. “What? Did something happen?”

 

“You could say that.” The woman said, waiting for him to let go before sitting up again and pulling the sheets over herself, “Tell me if you can spot out what’s wrong, Isaac _. A college professor is in the same bed as her student, and they’re both naked with vivid memories of a sexual escapade._ Please, Isaac, tell me where you see the moral problem in that scenario.”

 

“I’m eighteen.” He commented flatly.

 

“You’re still my student!” Elizabeth almost shouted, “Legal or not, I can still get fired for this!”

 

He didn’t look bothered, “We’re adults, Liz. Also, it’s not like anyone’s going to _find out_.” He pressed the last two words.

 

“The next thing you’re going to say is that you planned this whole thing.” She was glaring at him now, “For your safety, that better not be the truth.”

 

“No, no, no, no, I didn’t plan any of this! Liz, babe, trust me, I’m not an asshole.” He paused for a moment, pulling on a smirk, “You kissed first, if I remember correctly.”

 

Elizabeth’s eye twitched, “I did not! I wouldn’t--I--you kissed me first!” She cried out.

 

“I don’t really think it matters at this point, babe,” Ike said.

 

“Stop calling me that!”

 

“Anyway,” He continued, “Despite how drunk we were, we had consensual sex? Yeah? I think so.” He sounded like he was thinking aloud to himself, “How about,” He suggested, finally looking at her, “We go home, think it over, and see what happens?”

 

Elizabeth watched him, “What do you think _is_ going to happen, Isaac? Even if I--” She stopped, “This is--” Again. “I can’t--” She stopped again, attempting to take a steady breath. “Nothing can come of this, Isaac.”

 

The boy frowned, “Something already did, Liz.”

 

She groaned again, “You know what I mean!” She tried again, finally deciding to get out of the bed to get some space. “You and I have a professional relationship, Isaac. Nothing else. I’m your English professor.”

 

Ike watched her, “You can’t tell me you didn’t feel anything. We were drunk, yes, but we weren’t fucking shitfaced, Liz. We knew what we were doing.” When he got out of the bed Elizabeth looked away sharply, covering herself with what little clothes she had.

 

“Get back in the fucking bed!” She hissed out.

 

“I’m really not into supporting your denial, Liz. You know what exactly happened, it wasn’t just a one-night-stand sort of night.” He said loudly, “I know what those nights are, you know. What happened between us was something different, something more than just a few hours of raunchy fucking. We explored each other, babe. Do you not remember that part when you--”

 

Elizabeth held her hand up, “No-no, don’t say that out loud.” She did her best to hurry up, dressing herself as fast as possible. “I don’t know what you believed it was, but I know it wasn’t that!” She pulled on her blouse and searched frantically for her shoes. “Now I’m going to go downstairs, you’re going to get dressed, and we’re both going back to that parking lot so you can drive me home.” She said finally, slipping on her shoes and refusing to look at him as she left.

 

She was drowning in denial, and it was obvious. Ike just stared at the door for a moment and looked irritated at her actions, sighing then and going about searching for his own clothes.

* * *

 

 

Of course, Elizabeth felt something, she felt a lot of things during that night, after that night. She felt so much that she had to do something to keep her from feeling anything. That’s where the whiskey came in, to help keep her from feeling. The horrible truth was threatening, that possibly after a night of revelations and a few magical hours of pure emotions had put her in that precarious situation where she felt anything more for one of her students than she should allow herself to feel.

 

This wasn’t what she signed up for when she decided to become a teacher. She never thought that anything like this could happen. She only began working to keep herself from drinking too much, only to realize that teaching students made her want to drink even more than she did before. Now she was in a situation only she could create as a one-shot romance novel, where the student falls for his teacher after blackmailing her.

 

She had to remind herself that this was _real_ , and Ike was _real_ , he was a _real_ student that _real_ ly managed to wedge himself into her _real_ ity and was exposing her to _real_ feelings that weren’t fabricated in the slightest. Now she was swept up in his reality and trying to combat her equally real feelings that she was having trouble drowning under shots of vermouth.

 

It was hard enough conducting a class with him in it, how she had to pretend like nothing obscene happened between them while he just sat there and stared at her. Thankfully, he understood their situation and kept himself at a distance, but it was still hard to keep carrying on as if nothing happened. Especially when he wasn’t there and she had to act like he wasn’t on her mind, because he was, and it was becoming evident in her writing.

 

* * *

 

While Elizabeth was having a mental breakdown, Ike was trying to figure out some kind of way to inch back into his professor’s life. Short of actually going to her apartment, he had been attempting to talk to her, only to get shut down immediately. If she didn’t do that then she was avoiding the college like the plague outside of her own classes. He knew there was something wrong, as she looked like she hadn’t slept and he suspected that she wasn’t dealing with the reality of the situation in a safe and sane way.

 

It was almost painful, how she tried her damnedest to act like he wasn’t a mature adult that could actually have feelings, avoiding any possible outcome where she would end up alone with him so she didn’t have to deal with her own denial. It was nearing three weeks between that night and now, and Ike was two steps away from getting into his car and driving to her apartment so he could actually corner her so they could talk like two adults.

 

That was his plan, anyway, until he received a text from a familiar number that he thought he’d never see on his screen.

 

_I’m pregnant._

 

He almost dropped his phone at the message, cursing under his breath and reaching for his keys, ignoring the stares from his dorm-mates as he hurried out of the building and darted straight for his car.

 

Traffic wasn’t on his side, and he came close to screaming at people twice before something caught his eye. He suddenly felt like the douchebags he wanted to scream at as he cut into the neighboring lane and sharply turned to park next to the small shop, a white-walled boutique with large windows displaying baby items.

 

The music blaring overhead when he entered the small boutique was sweet violin music, which helped settle his nerves for the moment, he stepped further inside as his eyes searched the walls.

 

A petite blonde woman caught sight of him, brightening up and clasping her hands together, “May I help you sir?”

 

Ike pulled on a smile, “Uh, um, yeah. I...I’m having a baby, I need a few books.”

* * *

 

 

She was growing quite a collection of liquor bottles, the kitchen counter was covered in a half-dozen empties and Chinese take-out boxes, her living room looking worse now than it did before. Elizabeth was curled up on the floor, staring out the window that connected to the balcony. In her hands was her latest bottle of Jack while a halo of crumpled tissues surrounded her person. That’s all she could do now was drink and cry. She had to cancel her class for today, and now that she was staring at an unforeseeable future, maybe she’d cancel her classes for the rest of the semester as well. Her editor wouldn’t be seeing any new updates to her current book, and of course, he’d be pounding down her door in a few days to try and shake some sense into her.

 

She didn’t really register the doorbell going off, someone ringing it two, three, four times repeatedly until someone was pounding on the door. Elizabeth only curled up and held the bottle closer.

 

He wouldn’t have gotten in if he didn’t find that spare key in the light above her door, hearing it rattle as he pounded on her door. He unlocked it swiftly and pushed himself in, cursing at the horrible state of the apartment and dropping his bags at the door. “For fuck’s sake!” He shouted, shutting the door behind him.

 

Elizabeth made a noise, her eyes flying open at the voice, she shoved herself off of the floor and turned slowly, staring at Ike curiously. “W-what are you doing here?”

 

“Are you drinking?” Ike questioned, stepping around the fallen books to where she was sitting, groaning at the sight of the half-empty bottle in her hands and reaching down to grab it. She put up a fight, trying to pull it back before he wrenched it from her grasp. “Alright, this isn’t happening.” He said then, making his way to the kitchen to drain the bottle and do a sweep of the cabinets. “I wasn’t really expecting to see this but given your track record with liquor I shouldn’t really be surprised.” He pulled out a couple more bottles and did the same thing.

 

“What are you doing here?” Elizabeth cried out, pointing at the door, “I was doing just fine without you here!”

 

“I wouldn’t be here if you didn’t text me just an hour earlier, Liz!” He shouted back, fumbling for his phone and showing her the text. “Are you really pregnant? Because this is such a fucking shitty thing to do. I’m not letting this happen, not on my watch.”

 

Elizabeth stepped back, holding her hands to her face, “I told you because I thought you needed to know, Isaac. I don’t expect anything from you. Just go home and let me deal with this!”

 

“I’m not letting you deal with this alone. For one thing, you’re dealing with this in the shittiest way possible.” Ike pulled out a trash bag when he found it, starting to collect all the bottles. “Also, if you’re pregnant then it means that you’re not in this alone, it’s my responsibility as well. I had been debating on getting over here for at least two weeks. You’ve been acting really sketchy lately and now I know why. We need to talk about what happened, Liz, because it’s affecting both of us.”

 

Elizabeth began tearing up again, running her hand through her hair and curling up on herself, stepping back towards the window and leaning her forehead on it. “The liquor is the only thing helping me sleep, and if I don’t drink it, all I do is just think about that night and you. If I don’t drink, then I think, if I think, then my world crumbles before me. The secret is revealed, I’m fired from my job, I’m kicked out on the street, I’m fucking shamed by everyone I know, everything just turns to shit. If I drink, then nothing ever happened. The pain is numbed, my mind is clear and I can write.” She choked up another sob, “Then I fucking start writing about you!” She lashed out and smacked her hand against the window, her eyes red and tired, “Now I’m a week late and there’s a fucking pregnancy test telling me that I’m positive and--”

 

Ike set down the nearly full garbage bag, letting out a tired sigh and stepping over to her and taking the woman into his arms for a tight hug. “Jesus Christ, Liz.” He let her cry into his shoulder, running his fingers through her hair and staying quiet for a while, then leading her to her bedroom and clearing the books off of the bed before sitting her down and climbing in with her.

 

“I don’t know what to do,” Elizabeth said quietly.

 

“Shh,” Ike smiled slightly, pulling a blanket over her. “Just try and sleep, alright? You need it.”

 

She felt the urge to argue, but she was too tired to actually try, burrowing herself into the covers and shutting her eyes.

 

Ike stayed with her until the woman actually began lightly snoring, easing himself off the bed afterward and resuming his task to clean the apartment. After disposing of all the bottles and take-out boxes, he began working on trying to put all the books back where they were before. The lack of bookshelves was bothering him, and he glanced down the hall before pulling out his phone and checking the web. His face brightened at what the GPS showed him and he quickly grabbed the spare key from the counter, locking the apartment up quickly.

* * *

 

 

When Elizabeth woke up she could hear a string of curses, from at least three people. She knew she had a slight hangover and for half a second the light was unforgiving to her, causing the woman to duck back under the covers while she quietly listened to the ruckus.

 

“She has too many fucking books, dude.” Said a kid.

 

“Not even a TV, this woman is practically Amish!” Another lamented.

 

Ike was laughing, “There’s a radio on the desk, somewhere under everything.” He sounded like he was sorting through the papers, “And a collection of instrumental classics, holy shit.”

 

“Ike, dude, help me with this thing before I break it.” The first kid argued. “She owes you so much fucking sex for this.”

 

“Don’t make me hit you, man.”

 

“‘Sides, she can’t have sex anymore, bein’ preggo and all.”

 

Elizabeth’s eyes snapped open.

 

“Women can still have sex while pregnant, you idiot. Sometimes that’s how you start up the labor process.”

 

“Wouldn’t it be weird though? Fucking your chick with a baby in the middle being poked by your dong?”

 

Elizabeth let out a small groan, glaring towards the voices and finally shoving the blankets away.

 

“You guys are total retards,” Ike said finally, rolling his eyes as he deposited another handful of books into a bookshelf. “I’m just happy that my child’s IQ will be higher than both of yours combined.”

 

The first boy laughed, “That’s so harsh, you fucking nerd.”

 

The boys were the same two from Shannon’s Pub, from the looks of it. Elizabeth stood quietly in the hallway staring at the backs of their heads. The third boy, a smaller blonde, felt her stare instantly, turning around and almost falling out of the couch. “CHRIST!” He screamed, catching the first boy’s arm. A black haired boy with eyeliner, turning to stare at what the third boy was yelling at only to drop an F-bomb and drop the books on his own foot.

 

“Isaac.” Elizabeth ignored the two, glaring at the taller kid. “Just what are these two doing here?”

 

Ike didn’t look scared at all, compared to how his friends were reacting. “Oh, I needed help. Don’t worry about them, Liz, they’re going to the Art Institute. The goth one is Firkle, he’s a friend of mine since South Park. The blonde one is this faggy stalker that I picked up in high school. I think his name is Clint.”

 

“Fuck you, Ike.” Clint bit out, laughing.

 

“I can’t believe you’re dating this asshole.” Firkle said to Elizabeth in an honest tone, “Run while you can, woman.”

 

Elizabeth didn’t comment any further, seeing how Ike was motioning to go with the lie. She nodded at that and finally looked around the living room, noting how much...space...there suddenly was. “Where did these shelves come from...and the rugs...and that…” She motioned towards the duffle bag near the door.

 

“Surprise babe, I’m moving in.” Ike grinned sheepishly, holding his hands up before she could reply to that, “Just for the week, I’m not letting you do this alone.”

 

“I can’t believe Ike’s having a kid,” Clint said for the fifth time that day.

 

“I can.” Firkle said simply, “He takes after McCormick, knows how to impregnate chicks with just a look.”

 

Elizabeth stared at Ike intently, “I see.” She said then.

 

“That’s before he started banging Ike’s brother, though.” Firkle continued, “But if Kyle could squat out kids, he’d probably have a litter by now.”

 

Ike started laughing, stepping back and leaning against the wall for support.

 

Clint was thinking then, looking over at Ike now, “Dude, what if Kyle finds out that you knocked up a hot Milf? He’ll be on your ass quick.”

 

That seemed to stop the laughter quickly, and Ike glared at his friend, “This isn’t going to leave this apartment, okay?” He looked at Firkle too, “ _Okay_?”

 

“Dude, chill,” Firkle said calmly as if he was dealing with a rabid dog. “We know about your family, man.”

 

Elizabeth’s gaze softened, looking back at Firkle, “His family’s strict?”

 

The goth kid laughed, “You have no idea, woman. His mom’s a complete control freak and she successfully groomed her first son to be a carbon copy. They’re kinda scary on a good day, but Kyle’s super protective of Ike.”

 

She frowned at that, “How so?” She questioned.

 

“The guy comes up here like every month just to check in on him.”

 

“Dude, shut up!” Ike slapped his hand over his face, “She doesn’t need to know this.”

 

Firkle quirked a brow, “You created a child but you’re not going to warn this woman about what she’s getting into? I think she needs to know your life sooner or later, because you two are having a fucking kid.” He took Clint by the arm and dragged him towards the door, “Text us when she dumps you, dude.”

 

Clint tried hard not to laugh, waving before he was yanked out the apartment.

 

Ike let out a sigh, avoiding Elizabeth’s scrutinizing stare and resuming his task to fill up the last bookshelf. “Well, that was interesting.” He said, “How are you feeling, Liz? You slept for a while.”

 

“I need a shower.” She replied flatly, “After my shower, you’re going to tell me all about the hell I’m about to step into.” She turned away then, heading into the bathroom and shutting the door.

 

Ike sighed, suddenly regretting ever calling his friends for help. He continued to set up the last bookshelf in the bedroom while Elizabeth showered, nearly finished by the time she came back out. He didn’t stop working, not even when she was in the doorway with just a towel on, staring at him evenly.

 

“Care to enlighten me on my new furniture?” She asked.

 

“I got sick of staring at your towers.” He said without looking at her, “They have stores around this city for a reason, Liz. Did you know there’s an IKEA just three blocks away?”

 

Elizabeth shrugged, moving to her closet to grab some fresh clothes before going back to the bathroom.

 

“How much were they?” She called from behind closed doors.

 

“Don’t worry about it.” He replied, “Consider it a present.”

 

She opened the door just to peek her head back out, “I’m not comfortable with allowing a student to buy me things. Either I reimburse you or I set them on fire on the roof.”

 

“Nah,” Ike insisted, “It went on my dad’s credit card anyway, not really a big deal. He’ll think I bought them for me.”

 

Elizabeth pressed her lips in a thin line, ducking back inside to resume dressing up. When she finally reemerged she was in jeans and a sweater. “For a teenager who just knocked up a woman, you’re surprisingly attentive. Normal boys would be doing their best to disappear.”

 

He managed a grin, loading the bookshelf now. “I’m actually a family person. I think it’s something my mom rubbed off on me. I always liked the thought of being a dad, especially since my brother isn’t in the same league.” He looked back at her, “When he finally came out, I told ma that I’d knock up some chicks to make up for the loss.”

 

She didn’t want to laugh at that, but it was hard not to. Though the laughter died quickly when she really thought about the outcome. “I’m not so sure about this, about having a child.” She sat down at the edge of the bed, feeling her abdomen. “My whole life, I never even considered having children. The more I grew up, the more I realized that I just hated children. They’re so loud and needy, there’s just... “ She laid down then, thinking that one word. “I never thought I’d have to decide whether or not I…” The word hung in the air, but she didn’t dare to say it.

 

Ike watched her, setting down the books in his hands and leaving the room quickly. Elizabeth heard him rummage through a bag and his footfalls as he returned with a small pile of different books. “Before I got here I stopped by a store. I...I don’t really know, I just felt so excited, but scared. The first thing on my mind was a book of baby names.” He climbed into the bed to sit next to her, setting the rest of the books down on the bedside table. “I understand a women’s choice and all that, since it’s your body and all, but…” He leaned over her and showed Elizabeth the book, “I’m perfectly ready to help you with this.” Ike said reassuringly, “I...well, those three weeks you were having that meltdown I was coming to terms with everything on my end.” He resumed his position and opened the book, glancing over at her every now and then. “I honestly can see myself having a family with you. On the plus side, I think our kid will be smarter than the rest.”

 

Elizabeth stared down at the floor, gripping on the sheets as she heard the confession. “It sounds so simple coming from you. You have nothing to lose, Isaac.” She breathed, “You are still my student, and this entire thing, this incident, can break my entire teaching carrier.”

 

Ike frowned, “You’re wrong, Liz. I have a lot to lose too. The biggest one is sitting in front of me.”

 

“Not this again…” She groaned.

 

“Yes, this again.” He set the book down, “We’re going to have to talk about it sometime and now is the time. Obviously, something happened, because a simple night doesn’t drive people into a dangerous three-week drinking binge, Liz.” He laid a hand on her shoulder, “You had more than enough bottles in that kitchen for a full-blown party. I’m sure you remember what you told me while you were crying your eyes out.”

 

She shut her eyes, “This wasn’t how things were supposed to be.” She said tiredly. “I set up my life to keep myself away from this kind of thing. I worked my damndest to keep myself in a perfect position, away from these kinds of thoughts and feelings.” She opened them again, turning just slightly to face him. “Then you have to decide to wedge yourself into my world and give me this romantic trite about how my books inspired you to find me, and suddenly I’m faced with emotions I never had. This isn’t part of my plan, Isaac.”

 

He chuckled slightly, “Nothing ever goes how it should, Liz. I mean, I was supposed to be a med student like my mom wanted me. You gave me a way out of my mom’s plan.” He smiled then. “I’m here because I followed a high school crush on someone I’ve only read about, and I’m kinda happy about where I find myself. Maybe if you just let everything happen, you’ll see yourself in a better place than where you are now.”

 

Elizabeth sighed, turning again. “You know, I never really liked being a teacher to begin with.”

 

Ike mock-gasped at that, “ _Really_? I never would have thought! Oh you’ve open my eyes to something I was completely blind to.”

 

She broke out into a laugh, moving to smack his arm. “Fine, fine, maybe I’m obvious about it.”

 

He smirked, “I never really considered that it was just coffee in that thermos, babe.”

 

She smiled slightly, “The weird thing is I took the job to keep myself from drinking _more_. I mostly drank to keep the edge off when my deadline was close, so I wouldn’t get too stressed. Then I began teaching kids, and realized I was drinking more because there was more stress.”

 

Ike nodded, “That reminds me, why on Earth are you writing adult novels?” He asked then, “Seriously, you’re a fantastic writer. You could have beaten Harry Potter to pieces.”

 

Elizabeth laughed, “I...at the time, my most serious works, they never got as popular as I hoped they would be. Those three I wrote in high school were when I actually had hopes and dreams. I was such an innocent kid back then. They turned out so well, but only for a while. Five years later I had a lot more lined up, but no one wanted to publish them. It really fucked me up, Isaac. I grew up quickly then, and soon I met this guy.” She paused then, “He suggested to me that if I wanted to publish my work, add some sex scenes here and there. Apparently, adult books sell a lot more. I… it’s something I never did before, but I had so many stories already written out and waiting to be seen. So, I added some smut and suddenly I’m one of the top authors in that genre, despite the fact that I knew nothing about sex. I mostly watched internet porn to figure out my scenes.”

 

“That sounds...interesting.” Ike couldn’t help but laugh, imagining Elizabeth watching porn for references. “I always thought, when I read those books, that without the sex, it was a solid story.”

 

Elizabeth snorted in amusement, “And here my editor told me that none of my students would ever make the connection.”

 

Ike’s laugh became nervous, “Well, I uh, I kinda cheated.” He grinned sheepishly then, “I was so pissed off after that night, you see, I used my hacking skills for evil. All I needed was the private wifi and a password breaker.” He knew she was upright and boring a hole into his head now, “You know, public wifi isn’t safe for you at all. Just anyone can enter your computer and fuck around with the files inside of it…”

 

Elizabeth only stared at him, “I should be angrier.” She thought, “Actually, no, I should be hanging you off the balcony by the ankles while you beg for your life.”

 

Ike inched himself away from her slowly. “Hey, I can actually help fortify your laptop so this won’t happen again if that makes you feel better.”

 

The hard stare was short-lived, and she was still too tired to be angry. Elizabeth let out a sigh and laid back in the bed, “What’s done is done. I might as well give my resignation papers, as I’m clearly a horrible teacher to get _impregnated by her student_.”

 

Ike watched her for a moment, “Do you realize that it’s basically normal for college kids to fuck their professors? I mean, if this was high school, it would be a scandal, but we’re all of age here, and while no one talks about it, it still happens.”

 

She shut her eyes, burying her head under the pillow. “It’s still morally wrong, Isaac.”

 

Ike rolled his eyes, leaning against the headboard. “You’re a human being, Liz, and so am I. We’re not perfect, we’re not God, and I think God will have a little humor in this entire situation.”

 

“God’s humor is in my uterus, Isaac.” She removed the pillow from her head, glaring at him without the passion behind it. “That’s what I’m going to name this child, God’s-laughing-in-my-face Horowitz.”

 

“I prefer Broflovski.” Ike said with a wry smile, earning a pillow to the face.


	4. A Lesson About Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the family.

There were foreign emotions and thoughts one would never consider during a passionate night with someone you thought you didn’t care for in the slightest. There had to be something behind that, because you wouldn’t fall into bed with that someone and put your future at risk just for a moment of bliss. Saying that you were far too drunk to remember the night before was really a cop-out, because in reality you weren’t that smashed to begin with and you knew everything you were doing, and what was being done to you, and how much that person actually was interesting enough to make you question your initial opinion of him in the first place. The general boundaries that you thought existed were just suggestions, and after everything, after going through every corner for any excuse, you were met with the reality that maybe, just maybe, this was actually something that was meant to happen.

 

Affection was her biggest foreign emotion, something she never considered about having other than for a pet of some kind (except for cats, Elizabeth loathed cats). Affection for a human being, one that returned the emotion, was more than something new, as she never thought that she was someone that deserves such an emotion. She specifically tailored her life to close out as many people as possible, to keep everyone she knew at an arm's length and never allow them to get close enough to allow such emotions. Elizabeth Horowitz was meant to go through life as a single entity, with no one else at her side. Until one of her students drops in with a wild and romantic story about how one of her older novels inspired him to strive for something else in his own puzzling life.

 

That was the only thing she never thought she would hear, that the things she wrote while she was a hopeful and starry-eyed fourteen year old girl would affect someone to their core some twenty years later. She was far from the ghost of her fourteen-year-old self. She had become less hopeful, more hardened, a woman with a horrible temper and equally horrible drinking habits. Those dreams that she once had were now dead and gone, and she happily settled herself in her new dour reality, a reality without dreams and aspirations.

 

Isaac Broflovski had seen something in her that she thought she lost, a sliver of an identity that she thought she killed along with everything good in her life. He saw it from the first moment they laid eyes on each other up until the moment he upended her life just by being that annoyingly cocky child that she grew to be annoyed with. He was the only student she had that actually held a conversation with her, someone that challenged her opinions and invited some sort of new normal in the way she taught others. She did her best to keep him at arm’s length as she did everyone else that tried to shove their way into her world, but he ended up fucking up her world in the one way that she never considered possible - by expressing heartfelt feelings in her name.

 

She hated him for it.

 

Mostly because she was too old to think about this kind of thing, to let herself deviate from her plan. Now she was being given more options than the hallow fantasy of growing old and dying alone with a top shelf bottle in her hand, she was being given the alternative choice of growing old with a family and actually being something she avoided - happy.

 

Fuck him, for introducing affection into her life. Fuck him.

 

Because a week after giving him that news, she was actually hoping for a good sign, as she sat in the waiting room of her Gynecologist, preparing herself for that alternative choice in her life.

 

* * *

 

Ike was making himself at home in Elizabeth’s lonely apartment, doing his best to try to make it seem less lonely. He had gotten rid of her problem with the countless book-towers with a good number of bookshelves, brought in real food for the real empty refrigerator, but the biggest problem of this apartment was while he made it look livable, it really wasn’t in the slightest.

 

She had no personal effects to speak of, no photos, no letters that were magnetically stuck to the fridge, like Elizabeth Horowitz had no past to speak of or that she was some kind of android that was assembled in the room by some nameless inventor. Her bedroom was scarce as well. Did the woman even have family?

 

He shouldn’t be a snoop, really, but the curiosity was overwhelming and as much as he knew about the woman, he really knew nothing about her. Anything would be better than nothing, a hidden picture book, maybe a secret drawer full of trinkets, hell, he’d even take a black unmarked sex toy box if it meant she had anything other than discontinued old books in her possession.

 

What he got, somewhere between the bedroom and the closet, was a small pocket-book, with actual numbers to real people. He didn’t find it shocking that in this day of iPhones, that a woman like her would own a book with actual phone numbers. It put her practical mind into perspective, how she was the type that didn’t trust phones in general, needing to keep a hard copy of her own contacts just in case. Yeah, that sounded like Elizabeth.

 

He looked along the numbers, with the names associated with them, stopping when he reached the emergency contact number, a name he never seen before sharing her surname. **_Alice Horowitz_**. He took out his own phone and copied down the number, ignoring the voice in his head telling him it was running on creepy, but damn that voice, she wasn’t giving him much of a choice.

 

He considered what Elizabeth’s sibling could be like. Was she scarier than Elizabeth herself or was she the saint? He imagined a biker, for some reason, a hardened woman that had tattoos and a buzz cut hairdo and ran in an all-female gang of biker bitches that only rode Harley Davidsons, and had a girlfriend named Bob, short for Bobbie-Jean.

 

He quickly decided on a text, looking at the clock because he had a couple of hours to kill. Why not?

 

_How many tattoos do you have?_

 

He quickly regretted it once he sent it, laughing nervously. She wouldn’t know him from a random texter, or some weirdo who was trying to sext her with a tattoo fetish. He heard his phone buzz in response.

 

**_I can trace your number in just fifteen minutes, you know. So, I wouldn’t try anything funny. :)_ **

 

Ike let out a laugh, his thumbs quickly on the screen.

 

_Prove it, tell me exactly where I am._

 

Fifteen minutes later his phone buzzed again, and he grinned.

 

**_Did you kill my sister or something, idk why you’re in her living room?_ **

 

>>Ike: Nah, just a friend.

<<Alice: LIES! Liz has no friends, come clean or I’ll call the cops.

>>Ike: I’m serious. Actually, she’s my English professor. Pls don’t call the cops, this will be awkward since I’m wearing one of her dresses and all.

<<Alice: Funny, now why is she hosting a drag queen? Pls tell me she’s going to gay bars.

>>Ike: I’m not letting her drink anymore, sorry.

<<Alice: No one can stop my sister from drinking, Mr. Drag Queen, she’s been at the bottle since she was 16.

>>Ike: Dude, shouldn’t you not be telling me this? Also, not a drag queen.

<<Alice: If u were an actual intruder you’d be dead or in jail already, no1 takes down the Horowitz twins easily, Mr. Drag Queen.

>>Ike: I’d tell you the truth but you might come after me with your biker gang.

<<Alice: BIKER GANG? Lmao ohmygod

<<Alice: Yes I’m a big beefy biker, let’s go with that.

<<Alice: tell me ur secrets. Is she preg?

 

Ike stared at the conversation, laughing. He was going to like this woman. He couldn’t answer her right away, though, because she fucking nailed it on the head and he had to wonder if the woman was actually not a biker, but a psychic. Maybe she talked to the dead? That’d be awesome.

 

<<Alice: IS SHE PREG? UR TAKING TOO LONG TO RESPOND.

<<Alice: OH LORDY.

>>Ike: Calm down! But, uh, I, how do I say this…

>>Ike: Maybe? At least, that’s what the pregnancy test said.

>>Ike: She’s at the Gyno right now, pray 4 us.

 

Ike let out a yelp suddenly, almost dropping his phone as it began to belt out a song. He quickly looked at the caller ID and saw that it was, in fact, Alice’s number. He answered it quickly, holding the speaker to his ear, “Hey…”

 

_“I want all the details now, or I will fly over there and beat you to death.”_

 

* * *

 

The call lasted about an hour, and in that time, he learned all about the Horowitz twins. Alice was a Security Analyst/Engineer at a top ranking facility that she rather not name, a talented hacker and computer techie in her own right that loved to play PC games in her off time and had a large following on Twitch. After Ike explained his situation and his relation to Elizabeth, Alice welcomed him into the family and begged for the baby to be named after a Sailor Moon character. They continued talking after that, and Alice gave enough personal stories about her and Elizabeth’s past to paint him a great picture on the woman he idolized in high school. She thought they were already a cute couple, and had him snap a photo of himself so she could see a face that matched with the name, joking about that he was now in the FBI database and if he fucked with Liz, she’d frame him for coke smuggling. He had a feeling that it wasn’t a joke at all.

 

The call was cut quickly when Elizabeth’s keys unlocked the door, Ike quickly uttering a ‘bye’ before hanging up on the woman. Elizabeth opened the door only to stare at Ike evenly, the boy grinning like he wasn’t just doing something behind her back just a second ago.

 

“What’s going on?” She questioned calmly, eyes falling on the phone in his hand.

 

“Nah, nothin’, babe. Just Firkle.” He casually tossed the phone onto the cushion, hoping he didn’t look obvious. _Deflect, deflect, deflect._ “He wants to know when the baby shower is.” He added quickly.

 

“He’s asking like he’s invited.” Elizabeth commented sharply, paying him no mind after the snarky comment.

 

“But seriously,” He began following her to the closet, “How was the check-up?”

 

“I’m still pregnant, if that means anything.” Elizabeth hung her coat up and slipped out of her shoes. “My doctor calls it a blessing.” She mumbled after that, unable to pinpoint her opinion about the comment.

 

Ike smiled, “Why does she say that?”

 

“Apparently many women my age are trying to have children and are experiencing problems,” She explained, lingering in the closet and staring at the mirror inside the door. “She says it’s some kind of blessing from God, but then I told her that you were my boyfriend and not one of my students.”

 

Ike laughed at that, blushing slightly. “Well, that sounds like a nice offer.” He meandered in the hallway, thinking aloud. “Maybe your doctor is right.”

 

Elizabeth finally left the closet, looking at the boy oddly, “How so?”

 

“It’s clearly a sign.” Ike said then, “From God, I mean.”

 

She did her best not to roll her eyes, passing him and heading into the kitchen, “It’s more like a sign for people to practice safe sex.”

 

The comment was met with a frown, “Stop being cynical, Liz.”

 

“What am I supposed to be, Isaac?” She got out a bottle of orange juice, remembering that there was no vodka around to mix it with. “It’s still damnable evidence that I had intimate relations with a student and I could be fired, actually, you spending the night with me in my apartment is a fireable offense, all of this,” She gestured to the bookshelves, “I could be fired.”

 

“That’s only if they find out, babe.” He insisted, “We can keep this quiet from the rest of the world.”

 

“Just like how you kept it quiet from your two friends.” She reminded him.

 

Ike shook his head, “Firkle and Clint are different, they’re my two best friends. Besides, they would figure out something’s going on because like Firkle’s been telling me: ‘you look too happy, dude’. They wouldn’t put me and my girl in any danger.”

 

The words felt like a cold chill going down her spine, and Elizabeth stared at him without the intensity behind it, “You’re still looking at me with those rose colored glasses of yours. Do I have to remind you that I--” She stopped herself, thinking the words over and deciding against them, “--I don’t know if I can reciprocate those feelings.”

 

It was something Elizabeth had been needing to say, because it was the one thing she wasn’t 100% on. It was obvious how the kid felt about her, but…

 

Ike smiled reassuringly, stepping up to the other side of the counter and watching her. “You’re one of those people that don’t think they’re worth the trouble, but you are. Liz, you’ve closed yourself off for so long that you don’t know love if it smacks you in the face.”

 

She poured herself a glass and drank it slowly, just listening.

 

“Honestly, I see a whole lot more than you think I do.” He continued, grabbing the bottle to put it away. “Like right now, you’re clearly imagining that drink right there is a screwdriver.”

 

The sharp intake of breath was the wrong thing to do, and she began coughing violently, almost dropping the drink as she slammed her hands on the counter. Ike only laughed at that, knowing he hit the nail right on the head. “The week’s been a horrible one, hasn’t it?” He asked.

 

Elizabeth took a moment to breathe, glaring at him slightly. “I wasn’t listening to you the entire time, Isaac.”

 

He laughed again, “I know it’s hard, but drinking is bad for the baby.”

 

She groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose, “I know that. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, birth defects. I’ve read the pamphlets.” They were the first things she read at the hospital. Elizabeth waited for a moment before fixing her gaze at him again. “I’m curious. You said we would have no problem hiding this while I’m pregnant, but what happens when the child is here?”

 

He frowned, “What do you mean?”

 

“I’m talking about when I’m actually a mother, taking time off to raise a child. You’re still going to be a student, Isaac. Whether or not you want to be in our lives, your studies are going to come first.” She finally left the kitchen, sitting down on the couch.

 

“Ohh.” He nodded in understanding, following her and sitting down on the other side, “I actually thought of that. I’m ready to test out of all my classes.”

 

Elizabeth quirked a brow, staring at him skeptically, “Test...out.”

 

“Liz, I’m a Computer Science major. I’m a full blown genius! I know everything I need to know about computers and I can honestly test out and graduate within the year if I ever wanted to.” He looked so cocky right then, and she wanted to smack him.

 

“If you could test out of every fucking class in college then why didn’t you?” She shouted.

 

Ike grinned, “The same reason I never graduated high school earlier, I wanted to have fun. If I actually wanted to do anything spectacular with my life I would have done what my mom wanted me and became the world’s youngest doctor at fifteen.”

 

That made Elizabeth laugh, “God fucking damn it, I’m having Doogie Howser's baby.”

 

The joke went over his head. “Who?”

 

“Christ you’re so young.” She mumbled, shaking her head and ignoring it, “Alright, so you could actually bypass making me into a scandal but there’s another problem. Family.” She snapped him back to the topic he failed to build on a week ago, and ever since then it was the elephant in the room. “Your friend said something about your mother being….overprotective.”

 

Ike smiled nervously, “Well, besides my mother, what family do you have?”

 

“Don’t be so obvious when you’re dodging a question, Isaac.” Elizabeth said then, waving off the question. “I only have a sister to think about, and she’s not important. So spill it, kid.”

 

Ike took a breath, “Alright. I’ll talk about my parents...oh, do you want to know about my brother too or just my mom first?”

 

Elizabeth gave him a hard glare, tapping her watch.

 

Ike laughed nervously, “Well, my mom. Don’t get me wrong, my mom is a great mother. She loves her kids, almost too much, but it’s still love. She just has strong opinions about how her sons go about life and who they interact with romantically.” He thought for a moment, “Like, Kenny, my brother’s boyfriend, he’s been Kyle’s friend for-fucking-ever, and he’s a class A pervert, but for some reason, my mom adores him. Granted, he doesn’t really show off his perverted side when he’s around her, because--ew--but he has this fantastic charm about him that bypasses my mother’s bossy attitude. She never liked the girls my brother dated in grade school, and actually, I think it’s because Kenny’s not a girl that she’s so cool with him. Like no living female can be good enough for her babies. At the same time, though, she wants tons of grandchildren.”

 

Elizabeth nodded slowly, “Type A personality, I take it?”

 

“You’re getting it, but if there’s a letter higher than A, then put her there. I’m already getting the feeling that you two won’t get along, because you’re both women who want to be in charge.” He paused quickly, “Not that...I want to...unleash Hurricane Sheila onto you at this point in time, I’m just saying, it’s going to happen eventually.”

 

“ _Joy_.” She said blandly, leaning her head back. “What about your brother, then?”

 

“Oh, Kyle.” Ike thought about that for a moment, “He’s...don’t take it wrong, I love my brother very much, but he can be a pain in the ass.” He let out a light chuckle at that, “My mom sics him on me when it’s clear that her own style of guilt won’t work. He’s super protective of me and still thinks I’m eleven, forgetting that I really haven’t been a child for a long time. If you’re going to run into trouble, then it’s going to be with him. I think God has blessed Kenny, because he’s the only one who keeps Kyle from being that kind of guy with a stick up his ass constantly.” He smirked then, “I guess hot ass ramming tends to soften a guy up.”

 

“Don’t you dare think about touching my ass.” Elizabeth said then, weary of that smirk.

 

“No asses for me,” Ike held his hands up in surrender, “I’m a boob person, but you know that.”

 

Elizabeth couldn’t fight the laugh that bubbled up out of her lungs, pressing her hands over her face in mild amusement. After a moment of remembering she reached out to smack him in the arm, the sudden knock at the door keeping her from saying any choice words. Elizabeth frowned and looked at her watch, then looked over at Ike who shrugged in return.

 

“I’m not expecting anyone.” She said more to herself, getting up and making her way to the door. As soon as she turned the handle the door was practically shoved open and she was presented with a dozen pink and blue balloons.

 

“Heeey!” The man on the other end shoved himself in, his hands full with a briefcase and a teddy bear, “I just heard the wonderful news!” He looked overjoyed, a man with blue eyes and black hair, dressed in a dapper suit that grinned from ear to ear.

 

Ike slowly got up, quirking a brow. “And you are…?”

 

The man immediately put the items in his hands aside and set the balloons free inside the apartment, moving to shake Ike’s hands with a strong grip. “You’re the father, I take it? Oh good god, we thought she was going to die a miserable hag!” He laughed then, pulling Ike into a bone crushing hug then. “Welcome to the family!”

 

“ _Daniel_.” Elizabeth effectively popped one of the balloons with a pen, glaring at the man. “How much do you know and who told you?”

 

Daniel kept his grin, not looking at all scared of the woman’s reaction. Ike, however, tried desperately to get out of his grasp because he smelled the impending doom that would befall upon him. “Sissy told me, Liz. I’m just so glad your work halted on a good enough reason, I was thinking about sending you to AA before she called me.”

 

The woman stared hard at Daniel, her hands twitching in the urge to punch him in the face. “Alice told you.” She repeated.

 

Ike managed to get out of Daniel’s grip, stepping around the couch for a barrier of some kind.

 

“Affirmative, chief.” The man smiled. Much to Ike’s displeasure the man began laughing as Elizabeth’s ire slowly turned onto Ike, her glare almost deadly. “Oh, don’t give me that, Liz.” He found her reaction amusing, quickly stepping between her and Ike and hooking an arm around her shoulder. “This calls for a celebration, Liz. I think a fancy dinner for the occasion is in order.”

 

Ike felt like Elizabeth’s glare alone could kill him, scurrying over to the closet for his coat. “Good, she needs a distraction. A fancy dinner is just great, I’ll just be going—“

 

Daniel caught Ike’s shoulder before he could escape, grinning at the teenager. “No, no, Ike, is it? No, you’re coming with us.”

 

Elizabeth’s glare didn’t let up, and Ike laughed nervously. “Nah, that’s fine. I feel like waking up alive tomorrow—“

 

“Nonsense!” Daniel managed to hook his other arm around Ike’s shoulders, “The dinner’s on Alice, she wants to thank you for adding to the family!” He shook Elizabeth slightly, “Stop staring at him like that, Lizzie.”

 

“Don’t. Call. Me. Lizzie.” Elizabeth said heatedly.

 

Daniel rolled his eyes and leaned his head toward’s Ike’s, “I won’t let her kill you, don’t worry about it.”

 

Ike laughed again, looking white as a sheet. “I’m not so positive…uh…who are you again?”

 

“Daniel Duvatt,” The man let go of Elizabeth finally to shake his hand. “I’m Liz’s editor and Alice’s husband.”

 

“He’s a nuisance that I regret ever introducing to my sister.” Elizabeth shouted out, storming towards the bedroom and slamming the door.

 

Daniel chuckled, letting go of Ike. “Al has been waiting forever for Liz to find someone.” He said quietly, smiling at Ike. “I’m happy to welcome you to the family, Ike.” He hugged the man then.

 

Ike laughed again, without all the nervousness behind it. “Dude, so you’re Liz’s editor?”

 

Daniel nodded, “For five years, kid. I practically feel like I’m _her_ husband and not her sister’s.” He quirked a grin then, “Not that I’d trade, she’s all yours.”

 

Ike nodded, glancing away, “So how much did Alice tell you exactly?”

 

Daniel gave out a wolf-whistle and looked back at the bedroom door, “So Liz, I think you owe me ten bucks now that I predicted you banging one of your students.”

 

Ike let out a yelp when something slammed against the wall, taking cover behind Daniel. “Don’t do that!” He shouted.

 

* * *

 

 

The restaurant wasn’t one of those high-end ‘get a reservation 5 months in advance’ places, but it sure as fuck wasn’t the Olive Garden (it was the Cheesecake Factory). Daniel, however, knew one of the matredees at the restaurant and was able to get in within the hour. Elizabeth had taken up the age-old art of The Silent Treatment towards Ike, but it worked against her in the way that Daniel began talking for the both of them. He enjoyed a nice bottle of Grenache and insisted on sharing it with Ike, going so far as to tease Elizabeth knowing full well she couldn’t drink now. The woman said nothing about it, surprisingly calm, but Ike could see the gears in her head turning. He wondered if Daniel was a wizard, or if being Alice’s husband gave him some sort of immunity to her anger.

 

“She didn’t expect Alice and I to hit it off so well.” Daniel said, continuing on a story. “Her primary goal was to get us both out of her hair for the weekend so she booked us two tickets to Disney World knowing full well Al wanted to go. She specifically told me to be her sister’s babysitter.” He laughed lightly at Elizabeth’s irritated glare.

 

Ike ignored the deadly look for the sake of enjoying the evening. “So what, it was like a stupid rom-com sort of weekend?”

 

Daniel grinned. “We never left the hotel room, if you know what I mean.” He winked at the other, and Ike burst out laughing. “It seems that the Horowitz twins have relationships that begin with a bang.” He added then, taking a sip of his wine.

 

“ _Ha_.” Elizabeth said sharply, drinking her non-alcoholic Shirley Temple.

 

“We got married five months later, and guess who caught the bouquet?” Daniel smiled over at his sister-in-law and Elizabeth frowned.

 

“Not on purpose.” She ground out.

 

Daniel leaned towards Ike, “Al forced her to catch it.” He chuckled then.

 

“Forcing me to catch the damn thing doesn’t mean I’m going to carry anything out.” She replied hotly, looking away.

 

Ike laughed nervously, feeling it come back again and Daniel only rolled his eyes and took another drink. “Now, what I’d love to know is your story.” The man said then, “Alice and I know only so much.”

 

“Well,” Ike looked at Elizabeth, smiling somewhat. “I didn’t meet her until my first day of college, but I was already a fan of her work.” He began, “You recall her first books, right? Against the Eclipse, Against the Time, Against the World?”

 

Daniel quickly knew what he was talking about, “You mean, you’ve read _those_ titles? I think she was a teenager when those were written.”

 

Ike nodded, “Well, I was in high school when I read them. Just about going into Senior year and the teacher wanted us to read this fucking long list of books. Those were the only three that caught my attention. I wasn’t much of a reader, my interests revolve around coding and various computer shit.”

 

“Go on,” Daniel nodded.

 

“Well, at the time,” Ike paused, “I was starting to get pressure from my mom, cuz she wanted me to be this great medical student. She already had this college lined up for me and dozens of connections ready to use. I didn’t want to do that. I actually didn’t really want to go into college, but that shit wasn’t going to fly with her. So I was under this time constraint, yanno? Find a college and a carrier, or submit to my mom’s plan.”

 

Elizabeth’s expression softened, listening to the story quietly.

 

“So, after reading those books I felt really good, and I wanted to read a lot more of what she wrote. I searched her and discovered that she was a professor at UCLA, and suddenly I had this purpose, right? I did some research on the college and decided to go for it. I spent like a few months trying to get my mom to say yes to going all the way to California. Do you know how much I had to kiss her ass?” Ike laughed slightly, “I never really told her _why_ I wanted to go to California, just that it was where I wanted to go. So, when she finally broke down she gave me this ultimatum, that I let my brother check up on me every so often to make sure I wasn’t getting into trouble.”

 

Daniel grinned, “Troublemaker, I take it?”

 

He shrugged, “Technically that’s why she didn’t want me to leave for LA. She had this belief that I’d become this bad-boy with a motorcycle banging prostitutes and doing coke because I was suddenly with the wrong crowd.”

 

Elizabeth snorted, quickly covering her mouth and turning away. Ike smiled at that but didn’t say anything about it.

 

Daniel laughed, “I swear this is like a Hollywood rom-com come to life. Girl inspires boy, boy works on finding girl, girl turns out to be a middle aged alcoholic—“ He cursed then, Elizabeth having kicked him under the table. “It bleeds housewife romances and I believe you have your next book, Lizzie.” He turned his attention towards the woman then, smiling teasingly.

 

Elizabeth didn’t look happy with Daniel, “No, thank you.” She then looked towards Ike, smiling softly. “You really did all that because of me?”

 

Ike let out another nervous laugh, but for different reasons. “Well, you just inspired the path I was going to take. I don’t regret anything so far.”

 

Daniel watched how flushed Elizabeth became and grinned, “I guess I’m getting a separate Uber tonight.”

 

“You better.” Elizabeth said, not looking at Daniel at all.

 

The change in mood wasn’t lost on Ike, how he was no longer being glared at for his past transgressions. The fact that he unwittingly gave Elizabeth’s editor the news about her being pregnant by spilling to her sister was no longer on the woman’s mind. It was different, when the woman wasn’t surrounded by an aura of anger. He liked seeing her like that.

 

The good mood continued long after the dinner, Daniel giving a parting farewell to his sister-in-law and Ike, giving the boy another hug with a knowing grin that Elizabeth did her best to ignore. The three of them parted when Daniel got into his Uber, and Ike jumped slightly when Elizabeth slipped her arm around his.

 

He cautiously looked at her, noting that she was still sober while he had at least two glasses of wine. The way she smiled at him with those flirty bedroom eyes stirred something up inside of him but he couldn’t keep down the nervous laugh. She said nothing about it, both of them entering their own Uber and Ike was forced to sit still as Elizabeth dared to get touchy-feely. He really didn’t want to give in, it was like she was doing it on purpose, giving him subtile touches and while not full-on manhandling him, she was trying to elicit a response from his own person, as if she wanted him to come apart and make the driver find out her hidden intentions. He kept it together like a champion for the sake of the driver, and by God, that driver should be paying Ike for keeping his dick in his pants for the entire drive back to her apartment. He kept himself together to pay for the ride and at least get to Elizabeth’s apartment, only breaking when the door was locked.

 

Elizabeth let out a laugh when he attacked her with a needy kiss, breaking off to scatter tiny kisses along her neck while maneuvering both of them back towards the bedroom. She grinned at him and laid her lips against his for a more slower kiss, her hands working on his shirt and unbuttoning it as quick as possible. Ike didn’t say anything during it all, afraid to shatter the mood or break either of their concentrations, and it was like Elizabeth was thinking the same thing. They stopped undressing each other for more kisses, each one lasting longer than the one before until they were without any more clothing to be rid of. Ike pressed butterfly kisses down her neck and to her breasts, making Elizabeth giggle just slightly when his hot mouth tickled her cold flesh. It didn’t stay cold for long, no part of her body stayed cold with his hot touch. He kissed at her breasts lovingly, following her as she backed up into the bed and her arms reached out to drag him with her. He met her eyes again, exposed to someone who had transcended his professor and mentor. Elizabeth was now something more than that. She was his lover, his girlfriend - God hoping - and the mother of his child.

 

Ike turned his attention to kiss even lower, lingering on her belly and pressing his hand on her abdomen. It was surreal, that somewhere in there was a tiny life, and even if it was created out of a night of passion he really did think it was a sign from God himself. This child, whether its a boy or a girl, he would see them grow inside this woman he’s come to love, and it would be the most blessed moment in his life.

 

He continued to place kisses along her body, doing nothing other than that. He wanted to appreciate her, make love to her, nothing less than that.

 

The time was forgotten between those hours, and in the late hours of the evening Ike laid with his arms wrapped around her midsection, smiling against her neck while she slept peacefully. His plans were firmly setting in his mind, because he knew the rules. She wouldn’t be in trouble for her relationship with her student if he stopped being her student. He’d test out of her class first, and after that, he’d begin his ascension to graduate before his child was born.

 

He idly wondered if Alice was looking for an intern.


	5. A Lesson About Stalking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've come to realize that I can actually write sweet and endearing crap, and that's where I'm taking this fic.
> 
> It's just going to get sweeter and more endearing.

He looked like he was ready for a battle. Honestly, it was like a battle, once he passed those doors he’d be under intense scrutiny. Elizabeth may have become his girlfriend but she still was a tough no-nonsense English professor. He had proposed the idea earlier in the week, excited when she accepted, but finding out quickly that she wasn’t going to let him off easily. He spent the rest of the week at his dorm, studying for an intense test that she had created herself. Elizabeth Horowitz was the first boss in his ongoing college dungeon championship, and he wouldn’t be pleased if she didn’t come close to beating his ass into the ground.

He passed a handful of his classmates, one of them stopping in their tracks to stare oddly at the red headband that was strapped around his forehead. The girl watched him march into the lecture hall, following him to the door and only watching through the window curiously while Ike stormed up to Ms. Horowitz with a determined expression on his face. The professor only looked at him with her own stoic disinterest, silently handing him a thick packet of papers and pointing him to the tables.

 

“Excuse me—“

 

The girl jumped, crying out suddenly at the voice. It didn’t fit the intense atmosphere that was emanating from inside the lecture hall, and she turned quickly to address who scared her. He was taller than her, wearing a gray sweater-vest and slacks, but what stuck out was his fiery red curls against his pale complexion. The man gave her a nervous smile, gesturing towards the room in front of her. “Sorry to scare you, um, is this English 101 with Horowitz?” He questioned.

 

The girl relaxed some, carefully watching him. He looked like a teacher, almost, or a student-teacher at least. “Are you…” She paused quickly, looking back at the window and then back at him, her eyes wide all of a sudden. “Oh are you her boyfriend?” She asked aloud.

 

Kyle gaped slightly, “W-what?”

 

“You have to be her boyfriend!” She continued, looking at him in shock. “Oh Christ! That’s what everyone’s been saying, she cancelled so many classes because she was having a torrid affair with a married man and he dumped her because she’s a horrid bitch!” She paused quickly, “You could do so much better!”

 

The man laughed nervously, “I’m sorry, I’m afraid you’re mistaken. I’m actually looking for Ike Broflovski?”

 

The girl had a myriad of emotions, excited, disappointed, confused, and now bored. She looked again at the window and pointed her thumb towards the door. “Oh, he’s in there. You mean the tall Canadian kid, right? He’s taking on the fire dragon as we speak.” She explained. When Kyle stepped forward to enter she quickly stopped him. “I wouldn’t do that.” She said quickly, “Ms. Horowitz will cut your head off if you interrupt a test.”

 

Kyle stopped himself before he could push open the door, staring at the woman who sat calmly at the table typing on her laptop as his brother was hunched over the nearest desk with determination as he wrote something. Kyle quirked up a small smile at that and nodded. “I guess I shouldn’t interrupt them.” He said to himself.

 

“Whatevs.” The girl said then, running off as she said it.

 

Kyle stood there for a moment to watch his brother work, smiling at how serious and passionate he was taking the test. He never showed so much vigor in school until he came to their parents to tell them he wanted to go to California for college. Kyle had to admit that when it came down to a passion, then his brother was all over it. He sometimes began to wonder why their mother insisted that Kyle check on him every so often, because Ike was always in good health and behaving himself so well when Kyle did get to see him. It made him proud to know that his baby brother was working hard for a dream.

 

Kyle stepped away just as his cellphone began to jingle, and he slipped his hand in his pocket to take it out. A smile crossed his lips when he answered it, “Heya Ken.”

 

 _“Um, Kyle? Did you see Ike yet?”_ Kenny’s voice asked, slightly worried.

 

Kyle glanced back at the door, still moving away. “He’s testing right now. I can’t disturb him, apparently the professor is horrible and will smite me for trying.” He chuckled lightly.

 

Kenny breathed, _“Good, uh, do you have a minute?”_

 

Kyle continued out of the building, meandering next to the door, “Kenny? Something wrong?” He asked.

 

_“Uh, it depends. Find a place to sit down, okay?”_

 

“Kenny what’s wrong? Is it my mom?” Kyle began to get worried. “Is it dad?”

 

_“Kyle, are you sitting down?”_

 

“Forget about the fucking seat!” Kyle snapped in a high voice, panicking. “If someone’s hurt just tell me!”

 

 _“It’s not about your parents!”_ Kenny shouted quickly, _“It’s about Ike! You’re still not gonna like it.”_

 

Kyle frowned, looking back into the building but leaning against the door instead. “What about Ike?”

 

Kenny sighed, _“Well, I don’t know if the sources are right, but Henrietta got off the phone with Michael and Michael had been talking to Firkle and you know how Firkle’s down there with Ike and shit? Well Cartman heard it straight from Henrietta but I don’t know if it’s true—“_

 

Kyle was going to have a panic attack, swear to fucking God. “Spit it out Kenny!”

 

_“Well according to Firkle, Ike knocked up his girlfriend.”_

 

His heart was hammering in his chest at the statement, and Kyle couldn’t get any more pale if he tried. He turned back towards the doors and was itching to yank them open and sprint down the hall, kick that door down and scream at Ike, but God was keeping him still. Thank God for small favors. “Ike…what?” He asked after a long bout of silence.

 

 _“Apparently she’s some kind of hot Milf that teaches at his college, Firkle’s words, not mine.”_ Kenny said hesitantly, _“Kyle, don’t do anything rash, okay?”_

 

“Rash?” Kyle breathed, “What do you mean? Would dragging Ike out of the school by his ears and lecturing him about safe sex be rash or do I let him finish taking his test first?” His voice sounded on edge.

 

 _“Babe! Breathe.”_ Kenny said immediately, _“Are you with me? Breathe!”_ He waited until Kyle took those breaths, long and slow breaths that eased him off of that edge and back into something similar to calm. _“Now, don’t just start screaming at him. We don’t know if this is right. We need toget evidence first, okay?”_

 

Kyle managed a weak laugh, “Fucking Christ Ken, you sound like a cop.”

 

 _“I am a cop, you asshole.”_ Kenny laughed, _“If I were you I’d visit his professors, narrow it down. Start with the obvious ones. Ike can’t warn whoever he knocked up if he doesn’t know you’re looking.”_

 

Kyle groaned helplessly and slumped against the wall, “And I was hoping to come home early this week, why does he gotta do something that I thought he was done with doing?” He audibly whined, attracting attention from passing students, “Remember kindergarten, Kenny? Do you remember?”

 

Kenny sounded sympathetic, _“Yeah, but he’s been like that for longer than kindergarten, babe. What can we say? Us charmers are walking insemination bombs. Be glad you’re not a girl.”_ Kyle could hear him grinning.

 

“Not funny, Kenny.” Kyle sighed miserably, “I’ll…call you back.” He said grimly.

 

 _“Don’t freak out more than I know you will.”_ Kenny replied, _“Love you.”_

 

“Love you too.” Kyle whispered, finally frustrated with how the day’s turned. He paused for a moment and walked back into the building, stepping past a student to glare at Ike through the door. The little shit was still testing, looking smug like he was winning at a game. Kyle grumbled and turned around, suddenly realizing he wasn’t alone. He pocketed his phone and sighed, “Hey,” He spoke up then, looking at the boy.

 

The boy looked nervous, “Are you Ms. Horowitz’s husband?” He asked quietly, like it was a dirty secret.

 

Kyle turned back towards the door and eyed the woman. She was attractive, but was she a hot Milf? She also looked mean, with a resting bitch face that could be seen from space. He tried to put his mind into Ike’s, glancing from her to him and back to her. He finally shrugged, not seeing it. He was fucking gay, of course he didn’t see it. “No, but I have a question.” Kyle raised his voice slightly. “Are you one of Ms. Horowitz’s students?” He asked.

 

The kid nodded, “Yeah?”

 

Kyle put on a fake smile, “I’m not her husband, just a curious guy. Can you tell me what she’s like?”

 

The boy hesitated, scratching his head in thought. “She’s…a bitch? I don’t know what you want, dude. Are you one of her spies?” He looked sick, “Is she listening?”

 

Kyle blinked owlishly, “Uh—no, no, I’m just curious. I’m in no way affiliated with her at all!” He said reassuringly.

 

It was like something was unlocked, and the boy laughed. “Well, in that case, she’s a bitch on a good day, man. This chick, she’s tough and takes no shit from anyone, I kinda think that she keeps booze in that thermos of hers because word is the woman drinks and curses like a sailor. She doesn’t like anyone, but rumor is that she’s in some kind of affair with some dude and they had a big fucking throw-out, cuz she cancelled class for three weeks straight just a while ago.”

 

Kyle looked back at the woman through the door, almost screaming when he saw her face close to the window. He and the boy jumped back when she pushed open the door, glaring daggers at the two of them.

 

“I’m in the middle of a final exam with one of my students.” She hissed out, “ _Leave_.”

 

The boy fled quickly and Kyle nodded, ducking out before anything else was said. He wondered about her, swallowing thickly at the thought that she could be the mother of Ike’s child. He really hoped not, but there was only one way to find out.

 

* * *

 

He was lucky to find Ms. Horowitz in the same room after the following class let out. Kyle stood at the door and watched the students file out, each one of them murmuring something as they fled the room. He waited until the last student left before stepping in, watching Elizabeth stare thoughtfully at one of the essay packets and linger her fingers on the thermos at her side. He mentally steeled himself, preparing for whatever hell demon he asked various students about.

 

She only glanced quickly in his direction while putting away the papers on her desk, “May I help you?” She asked formally.

 

“Uh, yeah. Mrs. Horowitz, I presume?” He still felt nervous, swallowing thickly.

 

Elizabeth stopped packing her briefcase for a moment to get a good look at him, assessing his person with bored eyes. He looked familiar to her, that was clear. “It’s Ms.,” She corrected, “Not that it matters.” She took a moment to take a drink from her thermos.

 

Kyle cleared his throat, “Uh, well, I’m here on behalf of Ike Broflovski, my brother—“ He didn’t get a chance to finish, the word ‘brother’ seemingly affecting the professor in a way that she choked on whatever she was drinking and causing her to sputter and cough. All that nervousness he had before wasn’t there anymore, and he stilled. That was the most obvious tell he ever seen, and the suspicion grew as she recollected herself.

 

Elizabeth had to take a breath, fixing Kyle a stern gaze as if she didn’t choke on whatever she was drinking. “What about him?” She asked firmly, looking defensive.

 

Kyle smiled just slightly, he had to play it casual. “Oh, I’m just making the rounds with his teachers, nothing special. I want to know how he’s doing.”

 

The woman eyed him for a while, thinking. A cringe passed her features and she quirked a brow. “Isaac Broflovski, the last time I checked, is an adult now. I’ve never met any family member of a student that wanted to check in on their well being.”

 

Kyle sighed, shrugging lightly. “He’s kinda special. Um…I wouldn’t mind buying you lunch so we can discuss his well being, if you like?”

 

Elizabeth put her laptop away, considering the offer. He wondered what was going through her mind as she put everything away. Again she went for her thermos, checking her watch and the time. Kyle knew she could shoot him down at any moment, but then he knew it was an admission of guilt if she ran away from his challenge. From the look in her eyes it seemed that she was thinking the same thing, and the woman fixed on a bothered glare before opening her mouth.

 

“I suppose.” She said then, “This was my last class for today.” She added in a disappointed tone as she took her case in hand.

 

Kyle fixed on a smile, “Great, I know a quiet place nearby.” He said then, “Um, my name’s Kyle.” He offered his hand, watching her stare at it.

 

Elizabeth eventually shook his hand with her own, forcing a smile of her own. “Elizabeth.”

 

Kyle noted her strong grip and matched it with one that was just as firm, and they regarded each other like they were rivals, emanating an air of friendliness when they both weren’t really up to the task of sharing a lunch together.

 

* * *

 

Elizabeth was ill-prepared for such an impromptu meeting with Ike’s brother, but she never showed it. She wondered if Ike knew about Kyle’s presence, but the lack of calls or texts on her phone showed her that Kyle was there without Ike’s knowledge. She had to admit that Ike was right about Kyle being a protective brother, as the man was seemingly meeting with all of Ike’s professors. She felt inclined to defend the boy, as he was an exceptional student that didn’t require such smothering.

 

 _Keep up appearances, Liz_. She reminded herself. Kyle did not know of their relationship, or anything else for that matter. She kept a gracious fake smile for the entire lunch, proud of herself for maintaining her calm while they endured something she hated, small talk. From how uncomfortable Kyle looked, she was assuming he didn’t like it any more than she did.

 

“Let’s stop dancing around the elephant in the room, Mr. Broflovski.” Elizabeth interrupted him quickly, stopping the man mid-sentence while she sipped her tea. “You’ve asked me to lunch to talk about your brother, not how the air here isn’t like the air in Colorado.”

 

Kyle chuckled nervously, nodding slowly. “O-oh, well, yes. I’ve been…curious. What’s your opinion of him?” He asked.

 

Elizabeth paused to think about it, smiling slowly, “He’s cocky. A horrible liar with a wonderful poker face, a magnet for trouble. He also has very strong opinions and isn’t afraid to defend himself on those opinions. He can be a bit…bossy.”

 

Kyle laughed slightly, “He gets that from his mother. I think, we both do.” He thought over her answer, “Your perception of him sounds on the nose. So he’s bothersome in your class?”

 

Elizabeth snorted in amusement, “He’s bothersome in general, though it’s a mere setback to how brilliant he is. He’s a smart boy, passionate and driven. He’s definitely one of few who’s passed through my class with my notice. Not everyone can do that, Mr. Broflovski.”

 

Kyle nodded slowly, thinking slightly. “You’re…very intuitive, Ms. Horowitz. I hope you don’t mind, I had to ask about you from some of your students. I was given such a….different picture about you.”

 

Elizabeth smirked at that, “Depending on who you ask, I either breathe fire or have teeth protruding from my vagina. I wouldn’t put any stock into their words.”

 

Kyle went red at that, sputtering some. “Well, um, there was one thing that rang true with every one of them. You like to drink, do you not?” Kyle pulled on an obviously fake smile.

 

Elizabeth stilled just for a nanosecond, but it was enough for Kyle to notice. He went still when she cleared her throat at the suggestion. She quickly pulled herself together. “What college professor doesn’t like to drink, Mr. Broflovski?” She mused.

 

“Kyle.” The man corrected her, getting the attention of a waiter, “Can we have a couple of gin and tonics?” He asked, smiling at her as the waiter left quickly.

 

Elizabeth started to think, mentally counting how far along she was, but remembering that the gynecologist specifically told her not to drink any more than she already had. She fell quiet as the drinks were brought over to them, staring at the one that was set before her and holding down a groan of longing.

 

Kyle didn’t waste any time before sipping some of his, watching her with a calculated stare. “Go ahead.” He offered.

 

Elizabeth forced her best gracious smile, shaking her head, “I shouldn’t.” She said softly.

 

“I was told you love the hard stuff.” Kyle quirked a brow, and Elizabeth suddenly realized what this was. Her eyes widened in realization. He _knew_. He knew but he needed proof.

 

Kyle’s expression slowly turned the more realization dawned on her, the mask of friendliness dissolving into something akin to protective anger. “Or aren’t you allowed to drink, in your condition?” He asked in a hard tone.

 

Elizabeth frowned, glaring slightly at him in return. “I’m not going to ask how you know, because I know just who to blame.” She whispered, “What do you want?”

 

Kyle kept his hard stare, folding his hands together. “I want to know why. You seem like a perfectly sane and stable woman, why would you let my brother do this to you?”

 

She gaped at him, waiting for him to retract what he just said. He didn’t. “Excuse me?” She asked.

 

“Look.” Kyle shoved his drink aside, “My brother, he’s smart, yes, he’s a good guy, but he has a problem. He loves to go after older women, I don’t really know why, but he has a reputation for seducing all of his teachers. He probably told you something to get you in bed with him, but—“

 

Elizabeth gave him a hard glare, “He didn’t do anything, Mr. Broflovski.” She continued to whisper, not wanting to yell. “It was a mutual decision—“

 

It was the wrong thing to say, clearly. Kyle swallowed thickly, glaring at her. “So…you,” He stopped, “Let me get this straight, you _willingly_ had sex with a student.“

 

Elizabeth hissed out, “He’s a legal adult, Mr. Broflovski.”

 

Kyle’s eye twitched, “Maybe I need to speak with the board of directors and tell them about how one of their professors willingly had sex with a student.”

 

Elizabeth froze quickly, her hand twitching. She grabbed the drink on her end of the table and quickly threw it in his face. It was only then when she realized what she just did, flinching and quickly leaving the table to escape the restaurant.

 

Kyle was left soaking wet and angry, seething in his chair.

 

 

When Ike opened the door to his dorm his nose scrunched up at how Kyle smelled. “Ugh, dude.” He moved away from the door, “You smell like you went on a bender.”

 

“Good afternoon to you too.” Kyle muttered irritably, glaring at Ike. “So when were you going to tell me about the baby?” He asked it outright, enough to have Ike frozen in place and suddenly looking anxious.

 

“W-what?” Ike squeaked.

 

“I really thought you would have grown up when you entered college.” Kyle’s voice got louder as the door closed shut, “Now you’re fathering a child at eighteen?” He cried out, “Just what is wrong with you!”

 

Ike looked pale, hearing doors slam shut around him and stereos turn on to drown out the sudden verbal fight. He sighed miserably and stepped over to him. “How did you find out?”

 

Kyle groaned, “Firkle told Michael and it went all the way down to Kenny, so that means Cartman knows and that’s too many people for my liking.”

 

Ike still looked pale, “Uh, does mom know?”

 

“You better hope to Moses she doesn’t know, Isaac!” Kyle screamed, “She’ll come up here and drag you back home, which is something I should be doing right now! Oh, and I met the woman you knocked up, I see that you know how to choose them!” He ranted.

 

Ike stopped there, his shock turning into something else, “Wait…you…met Liz?” He asked slowly.

 

Kyle glared at him, “Where do you think I got this cologne bath from? I don’t even _like_ gin, Ike. She threw it in my face when I discovered she did this willingly!”

 

Ike suddenly narrowed his eyes in Kyle’s direction, “What exactly did you do to her?”

 

“I asked her out to lunch to question her about you, of course. When she refused to drink the gin, then everything clicked. I really thought she was being duped, but then she had the audacity to tell me it was mutual!” He scoffed, rolling his eyes, “I told her that I was going to tell the dean.”

 

Ike was growing angry now, “You mean you fucking tried to bait my girlfriend to drink and when she told you the truth you threatened to rat her out? You’re a fucking tool, Kyle!” Ike shouted, grabbing his jacket and keys from the wall. “A complete fucking tool!” He spat out, passing him on the way out.

 

Kyle spun around, “Where do you think you’re going?” He cried out.

 

“You fucking threatened my girlfriend, I’m going to go console her, that’s what I’m doing!” Ike said harshly, leaving without waiting for a reply. Ike stumbled down the stairwell and cursed while he ran to his car, trying to think fast. Elizabeth should be at home, but he wasn’t quite sure. With what Kyle had said, she could be anywhere. He quickly dialed up a familiar number, putting it on speaker as he pulled out.

 

 _“Heyo.”_ Alice’s voice smiled.

 

“I need to know where Liz is.” Ike said over the music, turning the radio down quickly. “Can you track her phone for me?”

 

There was a sound of fingers hitting keyboard keys, _“Yeah, I can do that for ya. What happened?”_

 

“My brother’s a douche, that’s what happened.” Ike explained, “He found out Liz’s having my kid and threatened to out her to the higher ups. I’m seriously thinking of shitting in a box and sending it to him on his birthday.”

 

The clicking slowed, like Alice was thinking about something until it boosted back up. _“Hey, do you mind if I have your brother’s number? I want to talk to him.”_ She sounded distracted.

 

Ike seriously thought about it, feeling petty enough to do it but then thinking about Elizabeth. Alice had the tendency to amplify anything, according to Elizabeth, and he wondered if it would help or hinder their relationship if he let Alice Horowitz declare war on Kyle Broflovski.

 

“I’ll get back to you on that, I need to know how much damage he’s done first.” Ike decided then.

 

 _“No prob, kiddo. Okay, she’s in her apartment, want me to send reinforcements?”_ She was meaning her husband, of course. Ike smiled at that, thankful for at least one part of a supportive family.

 

“No, keep your husband at home, I’ll take care of this.” He said quietly, “Thanks a lot, Alice.”

 

 _“Call me Al, little brother.”_ She said cheerily, making Ike smile even more. The call cut off after that, and Ike began to breathe steadily, taking a slow inhale and a long exhale to quiet the anger that quelled in him. He turned the corner to Elizabeth’s apartment and got out, jumping the steps two by two to get to her floor and taking out the emergency key to open the door.

 

“Liz?” He called out, looking around the apartment.

 

A choked sob bubbled up from the bedroom and Ike ran down the hall, slowly stopping to see Elizabeth curled up on her own bed with a pile of tissues scattered all over the floor.

 

“I’m ruined.” She sobbed brokenly, staring at him with bloodshot and teary eyes.

 

The anger that Ike breathed away slowly boiled back into his veins, his dark eyes focused on the devastated and scared face of his girlfriend. He held up a finger and turned around, quickly taking out his phone and pressing it to his ear after re-dialing Alice’s number.

 

“Yeah, his number’s 719-555-0128.” Ike said darkly, hanging up after that and turning back to Elizabeth with a sympathetic smile.

 

Elizabeth watched him, somehow knowing what Ike just did.

 

* * *

 

Kyle was pacing his motel room, thinking over his options. This was significantly bad. Worse than his mother’s predictions of Ike becoming a gang member and selling ecstasy out at clubs. This was an unborn child being brought in the world by an eighteen year old boy who was throwing his life away for some older angry middle-aged pedophile. He didn’t know what to do, he didn’t really know how to take this. He needed to first, get him home. Yes, that sounded good. Get Ike back home where their mother could watch over him and then come back here and give the woman an ultimatum. He was a lawyer, he knew how to play shark. She was an alcoholic pedophile, she couldn’t be trusted with a baby. He’d make her give up her rights in promise that she could live a normal life outside of teaching, because in no way in hell was he allowing this woman to go back to teaching. No, he’d tell the dean about the illicit affair and have her fired. He’d be damned if he was going to allow this woman to ruin his brother’s life!

 

He jumped when his phone rang, fumbling for it and swallowing thickly at the screen. He answered it, putting his mother on speaker phone. “H-hey ma.”

 

 _“So something interesting happened while I was at Whole Foods today.”_ Shelia began, sounding…oh great, she sounded unknown. His mother had the best poker voice for the phone to lead anyone in a false sense of security. Kyle tried to smile, just tried.

 

“Oh, really? What happened?” He asked shakily.

 

 _“I was stopped by Liane Cartman in the produce aisle, and she congratulated me on becoming a grandmother!”_ She didn’t sound enthusiastic. _“Now I thought to myself, I can’t be a grandmother this early, Shelia. One of my sons is gay and the other is a freshman in college. Please tell me something that I don’t know, bubbeh, so your dear mother can be well-informed.”_

 

Kyle knew she knew the answer. He was used to this already. He groaned slightly and scratched his head, “Gee, Ma. You know Ken and I aren’t planning anything just yet.”

 

 _“Then Kyle, my favorite son,”_ There it was, _“What has my little Isaac done?”_

 

Kyle breathed, “Um, well, she’s a teacher, for one thing.”

 

_“What?”_

 

Kyle nodded, “She’s in her thirties, from what I gathered.”

 

_“What what?”_

 

Kyle swallowed again, “She’s also an alcoholic.”

 

**_“What what what?”_ **

 

“Ma, just let me handle this!” Kyle said in a panicked voice. “I know what to do, I’ve done this scenario in my head a million times!”

 

 _“There’s no way I’m staying still while my youngest boy is in crisis!”_ His mother cried out, _“You keep an eye on your brother young man, I’ll be there shortly.”_

 

“Ma, wait—“ He was too late, the line went dead and Kyle felt dread pool up in his gut. “Sweet Moses what now?” He groaned when the phone began to ring again.

 

Kyle stared at the unknown number oddly, frowning and taking a breath as he answered it. “Hello?”

 

 _“Is this a Mr. Kyle Broflovski?”_ The voice was female.

 

“Speaking.” Kyle sighed out.

 

 _“The same Kyle Broflovski that lives at 302 West Sycamore in Apartment 2B with a Mr. Kenny McCormick in South Park, Colorado?”_ The voice inquired.

 

He blinked slowly, shaking. “Who is this?”

 

 _“The same Kyle Broflovski that drives a 1992 blue Honda Civic that’s currently parked outside of the the Motel 6 in Los Angeles?”_ She sounded haughty now.

 

“What the fuck is this?” Kyle breathed out, “Who are you!”

 

_“It’s not a good idea to threaten my family, Mr. Broflovski. Do you want your license number too or do you know it already?”_

 

Kyle’s hand was shaking, “Elizabeth Horowitz?” He questioned.

 

_“You can call me Alice, Mr. Broflovski, however this call isn’t about me. It’s about how you’re not going to say anything about my sister to anyone, lest you think you can handle the backlash.”_

 

Kyle glared at nothing in particular, “Is this a threat? You’re seriously going to threaten me? Fuck you!” He cried out, “I’m not going to just sit here and allow some weirdo to just threaten my well-being to keep a pedophile out of trouble!”

 

She laughed at that, _“You’re seriously calling my sister a pedophile? Isn’t your brother eighteen?”_ She questioned.

 

“That’s not the point!” Kyle shouted, “The last thing I’m going to do is allow some random woman to destroy my brother’s life, and I won’t allow her creepy sister think she can threaten me into submission!” He smirked then, satisfied with himself. “We’re done.” He said then, quickly hanging up on her. “Try to fucking intimidate me, I’m not that easy.” He murmured to himself.

 

He needed a moment to breathe, but he wasn’t going to get it. Kyle looked strained when the door suddenly knocked, and he fought back a wave of fear, looking back at his phone and groaning. “What now?” He whined. He wanted to ignore it, hope it would go away, but the door knocked again and Kyle found himself moving forward to answer the door.

 

Outside the door was a man in a suit, smiling. Black hair and blue eyes. “Kyle Broflovski?” He asked in a kind voice.

 

Kyle pursed his lips into a thin line, looking around for anyone else and finding that the man was alone. “Who are you?” He asked tiredly.

 

Daniel chuckled, waving his own phone. “I’m Daniel Duvatt, or in this case, Plan B.” He didn’t wait to be invited before walking into the room, shutting the door easily. “How are you feeling?”

 

Kyle’s eye twitched slightly, cautiously watching the other man. “I feel like I’m being attacked. Are you here to threaten me too?” He asked loudly.

 

Daniel shook his head, grinning. “Oh no, Kyle. I don’t work that way. I’m a lover, not a fighter.” He winked playfully. “I thought that you needed to realize what exactly is going on here.” He explained simply, moving to sit on the bed and reaching out to pat the mattress.

 

Kyle was defensive, refusing the invite to instead stand in the middle of the room, folding his arms. “How many of you are there?” He questioned.

 

Daniel chuckled, “Just me and Alice. We’re the only family Liz has left. You see, we’re very protective of her, but you know all about that. Ike told us that you were the same way, so you can probably understand why we’re circling the wagons.”

 

He nodded slowly, not saying anything and moving to grab the chair from the small writing desk, turning it around and sitting down. “I’m confused.” He admitted, “You’re actively coming to her aide despite what she did? Do you know she’s carrying my brother’s child?”

 

Daniel crossed his legs, “Kyle, instead of thinking about the negative, think about _why_ this happened. Do you even know how much Ike loves my sister-in-law? It wasn’t just a dirty one-night stand.”

 

The look on his face was skeptical, “Ike loves her, right. Don’t believe that, um, Mr. Duvatt. My brother isn’t this saint you think he is.”

 

“You don’t really know your brother that well, do you?” Daniel smiled, not looking bothered at all. “Do you really know why he’s all the way down here in California, Kyle? It’s not because of the college.”

 

Kyle hesitated, “He begged us to come here for a year, what was he after?”

 

“Love.” Daniel said simply. “You see, he knew Elizabeth before he came here, he wanted to meet the woman who wrote the books he come to appreciate. Elizabeth didn’t know him until they crossed paths, and ever since then Ike had been trying to get her to notice him.”

 

Kyle went quiet, frowning as he thought over what Daniel was saying.

 

The man grinned at that, continuing, “You see, I’ve known Elizabeth for quite a while. She lived like she was dead inside, fueled only on liquor to get her through the day. Something happened, though. Ike’s mere presence seems to re-introduce emotions that I believe she’s forgotten that she had. She’s not as dead as she once was, Kyle. Elizabeth, by looking at her, her eyes are more alive, and it’s all because of Ike. You may see this unborn child as a mistake, but I see it as a blessing in disguise.”

 

It was something he didn’t think about, the possibility that Ike could be in love with that woman he had lunch with. The more Kyle thought about it, the more he started to realize that was the case. From how Ike reacted back at the dorm, to how he was being attacked by her family. His eyes fell to the floor and he ran his hand through his hair, slowly coming to the conclusion that this wasn’t what he thought it was. “He…he’s in love with her?” He whispered.

 

Daniel smiled, “It’s a story fit for a book, but try as I might Elizabeth won’t write it.” He chuckled then, “When he told us what he went through to get to LA, something told me that this relationship was worth protecting, so I do apologize for my wife’s threats. She already thinks the world of Ike, she doesn’t want anything bad to happen to either of them.”

 

Kyle bit his lip, worrying it for a moment. He let out a shaky sigh and closed his eyes, trying to think. The situation was different now, this wasn’t a recipe for disaster. Ike actually knew what he was doing and he was going by his heart. Kyle suddenly felt like the biggest douche in the world for what he did. He threatened Ike’s girlfriend and plotted to ruin her life. Christ, his mother was coming down here under the same belief that her youngest son was ruining his life. He opened his eyes quickly, the guilt running through him like water. “I’m a fucking asshole.” He breathed.

 

Daniel didn’t agree, actually, he shook his head. “No you’re not.” He said sympathetically. “You’re being a protective brother, looking out for your family.”

 

Kyle cringed, “No, I was fucking being a monster and now I think I made everything worse.” He whined, looking desperately at Daniel, “I need to find them. I really do, please, can you help me? My mom’s coming down here and I need to warn my brother.”

 

Daniel stood up slowly, “I can do that, and I can do something else too.” He smiled again, taking out his phone and shooting a quick text. “I’m telling my wife to back down, so this way, you won’t suddenly be pulled over for alleged drug smuggling.” He started laughing when Kyle looked horrified at that moment. “I’ll tell you where to go, okay?” Daniel continued, as if he just didn’t make Kyle almost shit himself.

 

Kyle followed Daniel out of the room, wondering what kind of family his brother just signed up for.

 

* * *

 

 

The drive was going well until Kyle asked something he shouldn’t have.

 

“What…exactly…does Alice do?”

 

Daniel met Kyle’s curious stare with his own innocent smile, “That’s not really important.”

 

The answer brought some sort of unknown tension inside the car, and Kyle couldn’t help but feel like the woman was actually listening to them right now. He tried to think about what Daniel had said earlier, and wondered what job could give a person power to frame someone for drug smuggling.

 

Kyle couldn’t help but worry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a certain amount of 555 phone numbers that are set aside for fictional use only, and so I used one within the parameters.
> 
> Also the last part was for fun, because I love OP Alice. Her job remains a mystery.


	6. A Lesson About How to Murder Your Mother-in-Law

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I looked up the prayer, also:
> 
> The hardest part was writing Sheila. This chapter took me two months because I didn't know where I wanted to take Sheila.
> 
> Sheila loves her boys.

The curtains were pulled shut to keep the light out, while the overhead lights were turned off completely. Elizabeth laid curled up beside Ike, still taking note how small she was compared to him, how she was literally the little spoon now. It was a wayward thought that made her amused, having her chuckle for the first time after crying for an hour.

 

Ike smiled, hugging her from behind. “What’s so funny?” He asked, happy to hear her laugh.

 

“You’re the big spoon.” She said in a small voice, “I still can’t understand it, I’m older than you but you’re bigger than I am.”

 

Ike hummed, reaching up to rub his hands comfortingly over her arms, “Ten years isn’t that much of a stretch, babe.”

 

“It is to me…” She said quietly, “I’m…still working on this. Accepting it and believing it are two different things…” She thought aloud.

 

He pressed a kiss to the back of her neck, “I’m not leaving your side, I don’t care if I have to fight my family. If Kyle rips you from your teaching position then I’ll help you.”

 

Elizabeth smiled faintly, “It will be my fault if it happens.”

 

Ike frowned, “No, actually, it’ll be mine. I shoulda never told my best friends. I forgot all about Henrietta dating Cartman, and Michael loves to gossip. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s all over South Park right now.” He sighed, hugging her securely. “I won’t let this change anything, I won’t allow Kyle to ruin something I’ve worked hard for.”

 

Elizabeth choked up, trying not to cry again but it was failing. She stiffened when there was a knock on the door, biting her lip and feeling Ike let go of her to sit up. “Daniel…” She breathed, relaxing again.

 

“Do you want to see him?” Ike questioned, “I can always tell him to come back later.” He offered.

 

Elizabeth thought about it, hearing the knock again and feeling her stomach. “See if he brought food first, then kick him out.” She said with a small grin.

 

Ike gave his own grin and laughed, stepping out of the room and heading towards the door. When he opened it the grin on his face vanished and was replaced with a glare. “What are you doing here?” Ike almost shouted.

 

Kyle didn’t want to do this alone, really, but Daniel suddenly got a call once they got there, telling Kyle where exactly to go. It was like the call was planned, or it was absolutely bad timing on Kyle’s part. Either way, there he was, alone, standing at Elizabeth Horowitz’s door looking desperate. “I…want to apologize.” He said honestly, like how he told Daniel in the car. “I thought I was being a good concerned brother but I ended up being the biggest asshole on the planet and I came here to apologize.”

 

Ike didn’t look convinced, quirking a brow and bodily blocking Kyle from the apartment. “You didn’t have this sudden epiphany without any help, I know you. Someone put you in your place and opened your eyes.”

 

Kyle rubbed the back of his neck, sighing. “Well, a couple of things happened, your girlfriend’s sister threatened to ruin my life and when I hung up on her I got visited by her husband. I have a feeling he waited at the door until I hung up on her.” Kyle tried a tired smile, “Daniel…he told me why you came all the way to LA.” He explained.

 

Ike visibly relaxed some, watching and registering how guilty his brother looked right now. “If I told mom at the time, I think she woulda refused right out.” Ike said, glancing back into the apartment. “She’s the one, Kyle. I just know it.”

 

Kyle stared at his brother, blinking slowly. “Y-you’re serious…”

 

Ike nodded, resuming his firm glare. “Although, if you really want to apologize, you’re going to have to apologize to Liz. You really fucking did a number on her, Kyle. I spent a whole fucking week getting her to stop worrying about losing her job for us and you came in and tore up all that reassurance.”

 

Kyle swallowed thickly, “I…dude, I’m sorry. I thought I was—“

 

“I’m not a child anymore, Kyle.” Ike cut him off, “I know what I’m doing. It may not seem like it, but it’s true. I specifically tested out of her class first so I can bypass the UCLA policy on student-teacher romance. I’m in the process of testing out of the whole college altogether so I can protect her further and provide for my family.”

 

Kyle lost his words, taken aback at Ike’s sudden plan. “Shit.” He finally said then. “Um, so…” He looked around, “May I come in?”

 

Ike thought about it, slowly stepping aside to allow his brother to enter. “Sit down and wait here.” He said firmly, pointing at the couch as he shut the door and proceeded down the hall. Ike stopped when he saw Elizabeth peeking out of the bedroom, glaring at the mop of red hair down the hall.

 

“If he’s here to threaten us—“

 

Ike quieted her with a finger to her lips, shaking his head and giving her a reassuring smile. “He wants to apologize…to you.” He said softly and taking her hand.

 

Kyle felt like he was being stared at, but didn’t turn to look at the defensive green eyes that were boring into his skull. He let out an unnerved sigh, checking his watch. It took someone two hours to get from South Park to Denver by car…then a two and a half-hour flight from Denver to LA. He worried his lip as he thought about how long they had until all their lives would be made a little more difficult.

 

Kyle was brought back to reality when Elizabeth stood before him, looking entirely different from the angry and defensive woman from earlier, looking more meek and stricken now, a throw blanket wrapped around her shoulders with her hair out of place. Her eyes looked well worn, as if she had been crying. It was like a punch to his gut, how _he_ was the reason for her current appearance.

 

“Um…I think…I got the wrong impression of you.” Kyle began, feeling awkward. “I also think I added some wrong impressions of you. I thought you were a pedophile, and an alcoholic, and so I assumed you were trying to fuck up my brother’s life.” He felt like he was under a spotlight, but it wasn’t that, it was more of a glare from her eyes. “I was told the truth of the situation and realized what a douche I was being, and I owe you an apology.” He quickly glanced at her, swallowing again, “I…I’m really sorry, Elizabeth. There’s no excuse for me acting like a monster towards you and I should instead be welcoming my future sister-in-law.” He added, hoping she would end her scrutiny.

 

Elizabeth’s glare only wavered when Ike squeezed her hand reassuringly, “It’s okay.” He whispered in her ear. She nodded slowly and relaxed in his arms, moving to accept a kiss from Ike. The taller boy smiled against it and hugged her from behind. “If Kyle’s now on our side, he can help us out with mom.” He reassured her, grinning.

 

Kyle felt anxious, “Well…we’re going to have to deal with that quicker than you thought.” He said slowly.

 

Ike stilled, feeling Elizabeth tense up in his arms. “Wait what?”

 

The ginger man sighed, “Mom’s going to be here in about four hours.”

 

The look on Ike’s face was clear panic, but it didn’t match the ire in Elizabeth’s eyes. She grasped for a book but Ike was catching her before she began beating Kyle over the head. “You told her?” She cried out.

 

“Babe, calm down!” Ike shouted, trying to wrench the book from her hand.

 

“I AM CALM!” She hissed out, gasping suddenly when Ike began to tickle her sides instead of actively defending his brother, making Elizabeth break out into giggles, “No fair!” She laughed, dropping the book to shield herself. “Isaac!”

 

Kyle had conveniently moved out of the way, towards the other side of the couch, watching Ike tickle Elizabeth into giggles and feeling a grin pull at his lips. He enjoyed the view for a moment before speaking. “I didn’t tell her.” He said quickly.

 

Ike stopped attacking Elizabeth, and the woman breathed out a sigh of relief. The woman slowly looked at Kyle and frowned, “If you didn’t, then—“ She looked at Ike, and Ike looked guilty.

 

“Cartman and his big fat mouth.” Ike said simply, glaring at nothing in particular.

 

Kyle sighed, “That’s how Kenny found out, and then fatass told his mom. I don’t even think Liane knew any better, probably thought mom knew already.” He frowned, “I just know that I didn’t really help the situation.” Kyle added, holding his hands up when Elizabeth glared at him. “Hey, it was before your sister called—“

 

Ike groaned, moving to help his girlfriend up off the floor. “Hurricane Shelia is coming up to protect her baby boy.” He said quietly. “I’m not letting her take me home.”

 

Elizabeth had a thought, looking up at Ike. “Will Daniel be able to handle your mother?”

 

Kyle stilled at the suggestion, “Huh?”

 

Ike caught on to Elizabeth’s suggestion, “If he was able to bring Kyle from the ledge there could be a chance that he could ease mom’s worries…but the question is how to get them together. Daniel can’t hound her like he did Kyle, she won’t like that.”

 

“Uh—I have a suggestion.” Kyle spoke up then, turning their attention on him. Kyle smiled sympathetically, “She’s flying in, someone needs to pick her up from the airport.”

 

Ike thought about it, looking over at Elizabeth and seeing her thoughtful expression. She pursed her lips in a thin line and looked back up at Ike, “Make the call.” She whispered to him, and Ike went to get his cell phone.

 

* * *

 

Daniel was outside the apartment when Ike called him, summoning the elected savior for both Ike and Kyle to debrief the man on just who Shelia Broflovski was and just how to deal with her. Kyle was hopeful, as Daniel had that certain charm about him that could break through anything that was thrown at him, and he hoped the man was ready for the barrage of questions that their mother had in store for the drive to Elizabeth’s apartment. Shelia Broflovski wasn’t a force to be messed with, especially when her children were involved.

 

“If he fails, where do we bury his body?” Ike asked jokingly after Daniel had left to play his part.

 

“Don’t let my sister have it, I’m afraid what she may do.” Elizabeth thought aloud.

 

Kyle laughed nervously, checking his watch. He had some time, and some questions. “What…does your sister do, exactly?” He asked. “I asked Daniel, and he wouldn’t—“

 

Elizabeth shut his mouth with her own hand, “She’s listening in on you right now.” She said in a whisper.

 

Kyle’s eyebrows shot up and he stumbled back, looking around, “W-what?” He looked over to Ike desperately, seeing his little brother grin in amusement. “Is she serious?” He asked loudly.

 

Ike felt like teasing him, “I will not confirm or deny that statement.”

 

Kyle was starting to panic, “I-is she really listening in?” He stared at Ike, “Ike?”

 

Elizabeth rolled her eyes, “She works for Google.” She said flatly.

 

Ike began laughing when Kyle stared at her like she grew two heads, “Aw, babe, I wanted to make him piss himself.” Ike said between his own laughs.

 

“Google.” He repeated again, feeling sick. “She fucking works for Google.”

 

“I could be lying, however.” Elizabeth said then, smirking just slightly.

 

Ike couldn’t hold down the snort of amusement, because now Kyle was irritated, and he liked it when Kyle was irritated.

 

“What kind of fucking family are you?” He breathed.

 

“I don’t know, but I really love it.” Ike grinned proudly, hugging Elizabeth from behind. “You’ll get used to it, Ky.” He said teasingly.

 

Kyle sat down on the couch, muttering something under his breath. The remaining time was spent waiting, and Kyle was feeling the pressure. He had to step out on the balcony to get some fresh air, looking sick and just realizing that Ike was beside him on the cramped area.

 

“Where’s Elizabeth?” Kyle asked.

 

“She’s puking in the bathroom.” Ike said calmly, “I think it’s her nerves.”

 

Kyle frowned, “Shouldn’t you be with her?” He asked accusingly.

 

Ike shrugged, “I tried dude, she kicked me out and ranted about how she smelled horrible and needed to clean herself off.” He checked his phone, “She’s got time.”

 

Kyle nodded, hunching himself over the railings, “So, you’re really serious about her?”

 

Ike looked at Kyle, “What do you mean?”

 

“I mean, you say you’re in love now, but five months down the line are you really going to still love her or are you going to realize you made a mistake? Love or not, this is still all too sudden.” Kyle still stared downward, knowing how his brother was staring at him.

 

Ike took a calming breath, “I know what kind of image I’ve given everyone. Ike Broflovski, the kid who likes to bed older women. I know it really looks like I’ve just repeated the past, Kyle. Believe me, I actually thought of having just an illicit affair with her just for fun. Somewhere along the line something just…changed.”

 

Kyle glanced at him, “The realization that you went too far?” He questioned.

 

Ike shook his head, “Nah, man. Long before I found out about the pregnancy. I…it’ll sound cheap, but I sorta blackmailed her into a date.”

 

Kyle fully looked at him now, staring at him hard, “You WHAT?”

 

Ike held his hands up, “Chill, Ky. Let me explain. Two weeks before that, she caught me and Firkle and Clint trying out our fake IDs at this crusty old bar. I didn’t know she was a regular, but before that… everyone talking about how mean and bitchy she is, it was really the truth. She was a horrible woman, except on that night.” He smiled, “She was so fun to be around, even if she was hustling me and my friends at a fucking dart game. But that night was the same night we got caught by the cops…”

 

Kyle nodded in realization, “The night you begged Ma to not come up. Christ, Ike. She was pissed at that.”

 

Ike was still smiling, “Yeah, and I got mad at her because it was her fault for it… so I…kinda…hacked into her laptop for incriminating information, got her to go on a date with me at another club. She wasn’t into it at first, but…” He chuckled to himself, “I think that night was when I fell for her, she was so alive and smiling and we danced and had fun. I don’t mean to sound like a fucking Disney movie, but the night was magical. What followed after that was something I never thought would happen. It wasn’t just sex, Kyle. It was a deeper spiritual connection. I was a part of her. She felt it too, but she was majorly drowning in so much denial that I was afraid it was affecting her health. So, when she texted me that she was pregnant, it…” He settled himself against the railing, “I suddenly had this urge to get a book of baby names.” He whispered the last part.

 

Kyle watched Ike smile out at nothing in particular, and he nodded in understanding. The ginger man let out a sigh, and rubbed the back of his head, “Jesus, it’s really a sign from God, isn’t it?”

 

Ike chuckled at that, “Funny, that’s what Liz’s gynecologist said to her. Apparently women her age are always having trouble conceiving a child, and one falls right into her uterus.” He grinned then, “I have that magical dick, bro.”

 

Kyle sputtered then, shoving himself away from the railing and back into the room. “Jesus Christ, Ike.” He winced when he heard the bedroom door shut, paying it no mind and watching Ike return to the living room. Kyle thought hard, wondering if he should ask. “Uh…” He backtracked in his head before looking quickly at the door. “What…incriminating evidence?” He asked in a whisper.

 

Ike’s eyes brightened and he grinned, “Wouldn’t you like to know.” He chuckled.

 

Kyle opened his mouth to respond but the door knocking made him jump, he looked uneasy, straightening his vest out before getting to the door.

 

Ike took a deep breath, straightening his own shirt and looking quickly at the bedroom door.

 

Kyle opened the door and managed a nervous grin at the sight of his mother. Shelia looked unsure at where she was, but instantly darting over to Ike the moment she laid eyes on him. “My baby boy!” She cried out, pulling him forward for a bone-crushing hug. “Oh, you’ve grown so much!”

 

Kyle almost shut the door but Daniel shoved his way in with some luggage. The man chuckled at the sight and he and Kyle exchanged glances.

 

“How was the drive?” Kyle asked him.

 

Daniel winked at him, “Informative.”

 

Shelia finally let go of Ike and looked around, “Now where is this woman I’ve been told about?” She asked loudly, “Isaac, where is your girlfriend?”

 

Ike laughed nervously, “She’s freshening up, hold on.” He darted away to quickly enter the bedroom. Shelia turned away to finally pay attention to Kyle, smiling at him and moving to hug him tight.

 

“Oh, I know you’ve been gone for a couple of days but ooh, I missed my bubbeh!”

 

Kyle sputtered, ignoring Daniel’s kind laughter, “Geeze, Ma, I missed you too.” He said weakly, finally breathing when she let go.

 

“This must be Elizabeth’s apartment.” The woman said then, finally taking a better look at the room she was in. Instantly she went into full-on mother mode, browsing the room closely and making judgmental noises under her breath, “This apartment is too small.” She said then, glaring at the sight of the balcony. “Dangerous!” She then turned her attention to the kitchen, opening up the fridge, “Oh Sweet Moses, she’s starving herself and the child! This will not do at all!”

 

Ike finally opened up the bedroom door, a smile plastered on his face as he lead Elizabeth out into the living room. She was cleaned up now, her hair straightened and wearing something presentable. The woman saw Shelia rifle through her cabinets and pressed her lips together into a firm line, keeping down some choice words.

 

Ike cleared his throat, watching his mother. Shelia stopped what she was doing and looked directly at Elizabeth. She put on a firm stare and went over to the woman, looking her over. Elizabeth stiffened when the hard stare turned into a scrutinizing glare, forcing herself to stay quiet for Ike’s sake. When Shelia was done her face softened and she reached over to pull Elizabeth into a bone-crushing hug, “This is the woman my bubbeh’s madly in love with.” She said it mostly to herself, “Oh, honey. You’re just skin and bones.” She chided, pinching her sides. “That child is going to starve. This just won’t do, if you’re carrying a baby then you need to eat.”

 

Elizabeth glared at Ike instantly, and Ike realized what was happening, “Uh, Ma, Elizabeth eats just fine—“

 

“That kitchen says otherwise, Isaac!” She gestured behind her, “I will not have the mother of my grandchild survive on the bare minimum. Elizabeth, Lizzie,” She mulled over the name and smiled at it, “Lizzie and I will go grocery shopping and I will cook her a meal that will put meat on her bones!” She finally decided.

 

Elizabeth was still glaring at Ike, panic growing in her eyes. Ike looked back at her helplessly.

 

Daniel could feel the tension, clearing his throat. “If you don’t mind me, Ma’am, Lizzie works so hard that she can’t afford to shop for food, but I believe there’s a grocery store two blocks away.” He smiled, ignoring Elizabeth’s stare, “I wouldn’t mind driving both of you there.”

 

The suggestion was for Elizabeth’s benefit, because the last thing all three men knew was that Sheila and Elizabeth left alone together would spell out horrible outcomes, but unfortunately for Daniel, Sheila wasn’t in the same mindset. “Nonsense Daniel.” She waved him off easily, “Lizzie and I have a lot to talk about, just me and her.” She said it in a way that made it clear to Ike and Kyle that it was definite.

 

Elizabeth sucked in a breath, staring at Ike helplessly, mentally asking him to save her but receiving nothing but a guilty glance and a firm squeeze to her own hand. Elizabeth shut her eyes briefly, taking a deeper breath after a moment of realization that she wasn’t going to be saved. “I can drive us…” She said in a wavering voice, forcing one of her best smiles that she used for her bosses.

 

Ike wanted to help, but there was no stopping his mother once she decided something.

 

Sheila smiled at Elizabeth, leading her away from Ike’s safety and towards the door. “Good, we have lots to talk about.”

 

Kyle and Daniel exchanged glances as Elizabeth quickly grabbed her keys and wallet, following Mrs. Broflovski out of the apartment.

 

“Is she going to be alright?” Daniel questioned, concerned.

 

“Honestly,” Ike answered before Kyle could, “Depending on Liz’s reactions, it can go either way.”

 

Daniel breathed, pressing his palms into his face. “I need to prepare myself for the oncoming chaos.” He said then, reaching down to dig for his phone.

 

Ike couldn’t help but worry.

 

* * *

 

Elizabeth was counting her breathing as she drove, keeping her eyes on the road when she very well knew the questions could be flying at any moment. This was one of those moments when a nice glass of bourbon sounded relaxing right now, maybe a shot of lager. She groaned inwardly, and it seemed to break the uncomfortable silence.

 

“So Kyle said you’re a teacher.” Sheila began, keeping her eyes off of Elizabeth so far. “You work at UCLA, correct?”

 

Elizabeth could feel the building tension in her shoulders. “I’m an English professor, it’s not an ideal job, but I manage.” She said softly.

 

Sheila nodded, “So, are you friendly with your students as you were with my Isaac or was this a one-time affair?”

 

There it was. Elizabeth straightened up in her seat, narrowing her eyes. “Isaac was…different. I normally try not to associate with students in general, I don’t really care for students. It was a series of circumstances that brought me and Isaac together.”

 

Sheila glanced at her, “Forgive me for prying, but my boy has a history with older women. May I ask about these…circumstances?”

 

She turned the corner smoothly, chewing on the question thoughtfully. “I rather not, as the circumstances tend to put either of us in a bad light. I can just tell you that the conclusion of that circumstance that leads me to my current state wasn’t planned, and just…happened.” She hoped Sheila would read between the lines of her explanation.

 

“Oh.” She kept a comment down, moving on from the topic. “So Kyle explained to me that you are an alcoholic.”

 

The car stopped quickly when Elizabeth slammed on the break for a split second, her eye twitching as she gripped the steering wheel. “Did he?” She asked irritably.

 

Sheila wanted to lecture her about safe driving but held her tongue, catching Elizabeth’s obvious tell and needing to press on. “Please tell me you’re not drinking right now! Are you aware of fetal alcohol syndrome?”

 

“Look.” Elizabeth hissed out, but suddenly regretted it and resumed her neutral disposition. “I’ve been known to drink, yes. I’ve did it regularly, but I wouldn’t call myself an alcoholic. I did not live out of the bottle, Mrs. Broflovski.” She licked her lips absentmindedly, “College professors drink, it’s a standard for all of us. As for your question, no, I’m not drinking now. I stopped when I found out I was pregnant.” She had to lie about that part, and had no problem hiding the real truth on that one matter.

 

Sheila breathed out a sigh she seemed to be holding in, murmuring a thank you to God that Elizabeth was able to hear. She forced a smile towards the younger woman and reached over to grip the hand on the steering wheel. “Well, you sound like an intelligent and honest woman, Lizzie. I heard of your story from Daniel, how you’re a writer that took my Isaac’s breath away. I thought at first that my son was throwing his life away to pursue you, but to hear what brought the two of you together makes me think that this is a match from God himself!”

 

She didn’t really expect the ending of her words, how she and Ike were planned by God. Elizabeth slowly turned into the grocery store parking lot and chose a spot, parking quietly and turning to finally look at her. “A match from God?”

 

Sheila nodded enthusiastically, “It’s not every day that a young man is guided to the love of his life through the novels of a woman whose written them when she was fourteen! It’s clearly not a coincidence that you’re currently carrying my grandchild!” She insisted, smiling. “Daniel managed to comment on how you were so lonely and full of self-loathing and how Isaac has breathed new life into your eyes. My son also looks so happy and the way he looks at you, it’s like you’re the only one in the room.” She cooed.

 

Elizabeth was staring at her in shock, wondering what had happened. She was told to expect an overbearing monster of a mother who protected her children like a bear. Not once did Ike tell her that Sheila Broflovski would be praising their union in the span of a fifteen minute grilling conversation.

 

The realization made her stomach lurch unexpectedly. She unbuckled quickly to get out of the car.

 

Sheila fixed a look of confusion, “Is something wrong?”

 

“I’m going to vomit.” She said hurriedly, doing her best to hold it back until she saw the whites of a toilet bowl. She didn’t recall how many people she mowed down on the way or how fast she actually moved to get to her preferred destination.

 

Trudging herself from the bathroom, Elizabeth looked ill. She hoped to God it wasn’t anything serious, hopefully just her own nerves plaguing her body. She could see Sheila stepping over towards her, her face fixated in object horror at how Elizabeth looked currently.

 

“Lizzie, are you well?” She pressed her hand to the other’s clammy forehead, brows furrowing together as she scanned her face. “Are you sure you can handle this? Maybe I should drive you to the hospital!”

 

Elizabeth breathed, “I’m not dying, Mrs. Broflovski. It’s just my anxiety.” She said desperately.

 

Sheila looked unconvinced, “Would you rather sit here while I do the shopping? I’ll bring you some saltines and water—“

 

“ _I’m fine_.” She stressed, pressing her lips into a thin line.

 

The woman still didn’t believe her, but finally decided to stop pressing further. “Fine, have it your way.” She said firmly, “If you faint while we’re in the bread aisle I’ll just tell Isaac that you insisted that you were fine!”

 

Elizabeth held back the groan that threatened to escape her and she caved in, forcing herself to move forward. “The sooner we start the sooner we can get home, right?” She bit out, “I _won’t_ faint.”

 

It was Sheila’s turn to glare at Elizabeth like she was a stubborn child, saving face quickly and following her. “Alright, you hold onto the cart, then.” She said immediately.

 

* * *

 

It was an hour of hell.

 

Sheila was guilt personified, and as bad as Elizabeth felt, she actively fought her queasy stomach with a fantastic amount of spite towards the woman’s concern. Though it didn’t stop Sheila from questioning her about anything and everything, calling into question her eating habits (“You eat far too little!”) her coffee intake (“All that caffeine is dangerous for you and that child!”) As well as her living arrangements (“That apartment isn’t fit for a young couple and their child, I’m going to look into better suited apartments tomorrow!”).

 

By the time Elizabeth made it back home she looked ready to kill the other woman, having buried down every snide comment that passed her filter. The desire to drink was stronger than it was before, and idly Elizabeth wondered if Kyle’s earlier accusations had a sliver of truth to them.

 

Sheila busied herself in the kitchen, still making comments about the state of her appliances and the absence of spices and the lack of ventilation in the tiny space.

 

Kyle caught Elizabeth’s heated glare when she finally arrived with the rest of the grocery bags, and he went white immediately, forcing himself to take the bags from her to join his mother in the kitchen.

 

Ike was by her side immediately, “Breathe, babe.” He whispered, holding her by the arms. “Just listen to my voice and breathe. Common, let’s go sit down.” He led her to the couch, holding her close to his person.

 

“I’m buying a house.” Elizabeth said flatly. “After I buy that house, I’m killing your mother and burying her in the back yard. After that, I’m going to build a patio on that yard and no one will know what I did.” She sounded like she had a lot of thought towards the plan.

 

Ike laughed breathlessly, leaning in to kiss her, “Babe, you can’t kill my mom. She’s immortal.” He chided, hugging her close and combing his fingers through her hair.

 

She must have nodded off after that, because by the time she was roused back into awareness. She could smell chicken and spices when she inhaled, her stomach reacting to the heavenly smell by growling approvingly. She had expelled everything she ate this morning, and was actually hungry.

 

Ike smiled when she opened her eyes, helping her upright. “Dinner’s ready Liz.” He said softly.

 

She nodded, shoving the throw blanket off of her body (how did that get there?) and turning to see Kyle and Daniel sitting attentively at the table, the darker of the two waving at her.

 

“You must have been wiped out.” He commented, “You didn’t even wake up when I returned.”

 

“Rest is what a pregnant woman needs.” Sheila said approvingly, “Lizzie, are you well enough to eat? I’ve made kreplach.”

 

Elizabeth faltered, realizing now that Sheila and her family was something that she wasn’t. They were the true Jewish observers, wherein she was just Jewish in her name. She wasn’t an observer, she didn’t shy away from pork or anything that wasn’t kosher. She wasn’t anything like her parents were, like how her father was. She teared up at the memory, suddenly.

 

“Liz?” Ike took her hands, “Are you…?”

 

“Dad used to make kreplach.” She said with bleary eyes, shying her eyes away and covering her face with her arm. She was pulled into a strong hug, and Ike murmured loving words into her hair.

 

The sight warmed Sheila’s heart, her hand falling over her chest as Ike pulled her over to the kitchen table and sat her down next to him. “Isaac, would you like to say a prayer?”

 

Elizabeth jolted further awake when that was said, looking around. She vaguely remembered dinner prayers, and long forgotten all the words. She looked at Daniel, who bowed his head as if he was saying Grace, out of respect.

 

“ _Barukh ata Adonai Eloheinu melekh ha’olam shehakol niyah bidvaro_.”

 

She was caught off guard from the shock of her long forgotten culture, and she stared down at the kreplach and how nostalgic it looked. It was almost similar to her father’s, the dumplings were perfectly shaped and the broth, when she finally tasted it, was rich and savory. She did her best not to tear up again, feeling a comforting hand on her back because Ike had been watching her this whole time.

 

“It’s good.” She said in a small voice, flickering her eyes up at Sheila and suddenly wondering why she was plotting to murder this woman. She felt guilty for her anger, her thoughts, her free hand coming to rest over her abdomen in silent contemplation. “It’s very good.” She repeated in a whisper.

 

“It’s lovely.” Daniel agreed, smiling at the matriarch.

 

Sheila looked his way, “I can give your wife my recipe if you’d like, it’s easy to make.”

 

He quirked a grin at that, “Alice doesn’t really cook. She has a hard time cooking anything that doesn’t lay waste to anyone’s intestines.”

 

Kyle fought back a sudden snort of amusement.

 

Ike grinned at that, “Alice told me she liked to bake, though.” He said then.

 

Daniel kept his own grin, “Yes, she bakes, but it’s not for the good of mankind, if you catch my drift.” He winked.

 

Sheila frowned, “What does that mean?”

 

“She bakes prank pastries.” Elizabeth spoke up then, “Like, if you were to make a red velvet cupcake, she would fashion the filling with a few drops of ghost pepper extract instead of leaving it a plain cream cheese flavor.”

 

Kyle nearly choked on his dumpling, staring at her with wide eyes, “W-what?”

 

“I should warn you all now to never accept any baked goods from Alice, just to be safe.” Daniel said with a slight chuckle.

 

Ike snickered, like he expected that level of trickery from his girlfriend’s sister.

 

Sheila didn’t approve, pursing her lips seriously but making no comment about it. It would hardly do to lecture someone who wasn’t there to receive her lecture. She allowed the room to return to a warm silence so everyone could eat before another topic made its way into her thoughts. “So Isaac, when are you planning to marry this woman?”

 

Kyle actually choked on his broth now and Elizabeth nearly spit out a carrot, her eyes wide and turning towards Ike, who had stopped suddenly between eating to calmly set down his fork and take a calm breath.

 

“Actually, I was planning for graduation day, Ma. Thanks a lot for spoiling the surprise.” He kept his voice even, glancing at Elizabeth uneasily because he could feel her leg begin to bounce in place anxiously.

 

“Marriage, huh?” Daniel eased himself into the discussion, “I would think it’s too fast, really.”

 

Elizabeth shot Daniel a glare while Ike actually laughed at the irony of the statement, “Says the man who got married to Alice after five months!” She cried out indignantly.

 

Daniel didn’t look phased at her comment, “Me and Al are special cases, though.”

 

“Special is a good word for it.” Ike said in good nature, causing Daniel to grin back at him.

 

Sheila frowned, addressing Ike, “I don’t want my grandchild to be born out of wedlock, Isaac.”

 

Ike sighed, “I have it planned out, Ma. Don’t worry about it. I can pop the question any time.”

 

Kyle’s eyebrows shot up when his mother fixed him a haughty look, “Well, son, if you’re so confident then why not pop the question now?”

 

Elizabeth accidentally dropped her fork, shoving her shaking hands into her lap.

 

Ike and Sheila stared each other down, the mother quirking a brow in question before Ike finally backed down from the silent battle and looked towards Elizabeth with an apologetic smile.

 

She met his eyes, how they looked worried at her current state. He slid her hands over to hold hers and tried to think of some way to ask such a delicate question.

 

Elizabeth narrowed her eyes then, shoving herself out of her seat and wordlessly escaping into her own bedroom, the door slamming in her wake.

 

Kyle winced at the moment, and Ike shot a glare at his mother before getting up. “Wow Ma, really?”

 

Sheila calmly set her bowl aside, “Well perhaps that’s an indication of what you’re going to be forced to deal with, bubbeh.” She said simply.

 

Kyle frowned, “Wait, I thought you were all for this relationship, Ma.”

 

Sheila got up to clear the table, “I’m just like any other mother, Kyle, I’m looking after my babies. If Lizzie isn’t ready for a commitment then maybe she isn’t the right girl for you, Isaac.”

 

Kyle shoved himself from his seat, staring at his mother with wide eyes, “Just two hours ago you were complimenting and praising her and now you’re just—“

 

“I knew this was a bunch of bullshit!” Ike shouted, “You never liked Liz to begin with!”

 

“I’m only doing what’s best for my family!” Sheila fought back primly. “If Lizzie doesn’t want to be a part of it, then there’s other _legal_ ways of securing my grandchild.”

 

“Ma!” Kyle hissed out.

 

Ike swept his hands away, looking frustrated and turning away to head down the hallway.

 

Daniel eased himself out of the chair, keeping quiet so far. “Mrs. Broflovski, would you like me to drive you to your hotel room?” He asked calmly.

 

“No, she doesn’t just get to leave after embarrassing Liz!” Kyle began, but Daniel held his hand out quickly to stop him.

 

“It’s getting pretty late.” Daniel said then.

 

Sheila smiled at Daniel after checking her watch. “I suppose it is, then. Carry my bags, will you dear?”

 

Kyle opened his mouth to speak but Daniel quickly shot him a glare, tucking his hand in his pocket and pulling out a business card for Kyle. “Let’s hurry, the traffic after dark is tricky.” He said towards Sheila, leaving Kyle alone in the kitchen.

 

Kyle looked down at the card questioningly, it was plain white. He frowned and turned it around, coming face to face with a lone number, the name above it typed out as A. Horowitz.

 

* * *

 

Ike eased himself into the bedroom, the lights were off and Elizabeth wasn’t anywhere to be found except for a telltale lump in the bed. He sighed and stepped over to the bed, climbing into it and tucking himself under the covers.

 

“I knew it.” Her voice sounded rough, like she had been crying. “She never liked me to begin with.”

 

Ike breathed out a sigh and hooked his arms around her smaller frame, “Lulling you into that trap was a dick move on her part. I thought Daniel would have softened her up, yanno?”

 

She sniffled, curling up. “So this is Hurricane Sheila, tearing anything apart to protect her sons.”

 

“I’m not letting her beat us, Liz. She can hate you with the ire of a thousand suns, I won’t let that tear us apart.” Ike said firmly. “I love you, and I want to be with you.”

 

She stilled, shifting to face him. Elizabeth looked into his dark eyes, looking for anything that told her otherwise, any underlying doubts. Her own looked dour and broken, unable to face any more humiliation. “Isaac…”

 

He leaned in to kiss her, a warm chaste kiss he ended by nuzzling her ear with his nose. “Do you mind if I ask it again?” He questioned softly.

 

She teared up, and instantly she hated him again. Out of everyone in the entire world, he was able to make her feel so special with just a few words. This kid, this child, this teenager, someone she shouldn’t be allowed to feel such strong emotions for, was introducing long lost emotions and long forgotten dreams into her world, a world she assumed that wasn’t worth her time anymore. A world that she blocked out with every ounce of liquor available.

 

If he never stepped into her life, she wouldn’t be here, wracking herself in tears and embarrassment, but then she wouldn’t have his strong arms around her and his promise of safety in warm whispers and tender kisses. She wouldn’t have him.

 

“Yes.” Elizabeth whispered, answering both of his questions.

 

Ike stilled, taking in her answer, “Yes?” He sounded curious, concerned, “Do you mean—“

 

“Yes.” Elizabeth choked out, kissing him again with fresh tears escaping her.

 

Ike couldn’t help his own tears from escaping, pressing butterfly kisses along her jaw and hugging her tight.


End file.
